Finished Folds (241—260)
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8tching long enough. The crowd at Gangly’s defended the shrimp absolutely, chasing anyone out of the pub with crab mallets who labeled shrimp “disgusting” and ordered steak instead.
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7or I go!” Well, you must know how THAT turned out: Mom chose him. I packed and left. In time we mended fences, and each Christmas I went to their tomb in Cairo to visit them both.
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4The cops pulled the car over. “What’s the problem, officer?” “Well, you’ve got a burning body in your backseat!” The driver yelled, “Horace, I thought you said you dumped ‘em all!"
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6into a leer. The lump in his pants made me nervous. I pointed out the window. On shore, a farmer tended sheep. The man drooled. With him diverted, I crept downstairs and got away.
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7and in bird voices taunted him: “Cheap! Cheap!” Melchior dug in his pockets, frantically looking for another gift. There was only lint, which further delighted Gaspar & Balthazar.
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3ed from the soil at the spot the seed landed. Each sprout bore a tiny foot that kicked the seed’s ass out of the field & spoke in a tiny, squeaky voice: “No anchor babies allowed!"
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4“The ruined costume is just payback for calling my wife crazy!” I was taken aback but then realized his confusion. “I didn’t say she was CRAZY, I said your wife was FUCKING GOOFY!"
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7Bonnie was a bad influence on Gertrude, making her alter her famous quote to “Rose is a rose is a rose is a BITCH!” Her evil possessed Gertrude, and one day Gert's head spun around
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3“Great, that bird was worth a FORTUNE and he had to go off himself!” Hoping to recoup her loss, she took the bird to a taxidermist. She got only a few bucks for the finished mount.
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3There was a question from the back: “So, you’re in the freezer for 3 hours in that dress? Won’t that cause bodily damage?” "To the dress?!? Of course not! Don’t be an imbecile!"
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3me. I stroked faster. Suddenly I thought: BETTY RUBBLE! I glanced down. My cock, still hard, had morphed into a cartoon dick. That did it. I had a cartoon orgasm. Yabba Dabba Goo!
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3to be safe.” Something was wrong: I’d seen The Day the Earth Stood Still. Rennie? Trog? Not Klaatu? Gort? Rennie snarled, “Don’t be a dick and believe what you see in the movies!"
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5A flourish of trumpets sounded as a red carpet rolled out. A girl threw rose petals before Al Pacino as he entered. Pacino, thinking it was 1975, chanted: “Attica! Attica! Attica!"
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4What a sorry end: in a fast-food joint with a hair-grooming tool at his throat. He distracted Tyrone: “Nice sneakers, bro!” Tyrone relaxed. The Emperor broke free and escaped.
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2So Veronica and her Psychosis were reunited. In fact, “Reunited” became their theme song, and they performed a wonderful karaoke version for the ward’s zoned-out ECT dullards.
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4I felt like messin’ around, so I went to Mae’s that night. I drove up & 16 men were already at her door. I joined the line. A sign lit up: NOW SERVING 02. It would be a long night.
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6The squirrels watched Mr. Simp skedaddle. “What am I to do now? I’ve grown accustomed…to…his…pants!” “Buck up, Higgins,” said the other squirrel, “we’ll think of something."
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7exited. “You’re late. I get free pizza!” “Ma’am, we’re here about 2 homicides.” She sneered. “Geez, Dominos sure has expanded! OK, the stiffs are inside.” The cops rushed past her.
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6gotten. He worked as a wine steward, using his corkscrew fingers. One day he dropped trou before a pretty woman, revealing a very excited corkscrew down there & ending his career.
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6Trebek did a double take. “Al, I thought you’d choose Relativity for $1000.” “Been there, done that,” replied Einstein. Bad move. He lost Jeopardy! and returned to Princeton broke.