Finished Folds (261—280)
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3that is a bummer.” The congregation gasped. “Hey, Rev, what’s this ‘bummer’ stuff? Ain’t in no scripture I know!” The cleric was exposed. It was time for the torches & pitchforks.
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5I struggled with the context. Perhaps the outburst was meant to be continued, like “Marco!…Polo!” So I shouted: “Trunchbull!” “No, dumbass,” came the disembodied reply. “Christie!"
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3went to sniff the Mona Lisa in the Louvre. The wildebeest gave up: the wait line was too long. He visited Venus de Milo instead & spent a horny, rapturous hour sniffing the statue.
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3task. On the 4th day she swung the pickaxe. The tower shuddered. The outer layer crumbled, revealing a phallic structure inside. Changing plans, she began sucking the tower down.
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2“How the hell am I supposed to do that? MOVE my HOUSE?? You know how much that thing weighs?” “No, how much?” “Try 70 tons, ASS HAT!” “Well, don’t try lifting it all by yourself!"
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3then scrub puke is what you’ll do!” Pyle spoke: “Scuse me, Sergeant,” he drawled, “but…” “But NOTHING, Pyle!” yelled Poppy. “Get to work!” Pyle wept, wishing Sgt. Carter was alive.
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4in circles above me, shitting on my head like a flock of geese. I drew my shotgun, hoping to wing the fairy mid-attack, but a turd got me in the eyes. The fairy flew off, giggling.
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2ment of the Academy reps. One said, “Melt Oscar? You’ll never work in this town again!” “Really?” said the actor, donning a ball cap. “Step aside! I’m late for my job at Safeway!"
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2slipped. He plunged downward, landing with a sickly “SPLAT!” The crowd forced itself to look then gathered around his corpse, spoons ready. Mr. Peanut had become Mr. Peanut Butter!
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3Charlie was chewing a scrotum when he choked. Alf the wren flew down his throat and retrieved it, saving him. Alf then broke the 4th wall: “Sorry. I know this fold makes no sense."
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2he’d succeeded!” “THAT led you to him? How?!?” Ure realized he’d erred. “Sorry,” he said, reaching beneath the desk again, this time pulling up a bloodhound. “THIS led us to him!"
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5But being original didn’t make it good, and we argued. “How about an original Picasso?” We agreed that was good. “How about original Picasso poop?” On that point we were undecided.
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3then maybe she could get him to leave in HER own Accord, her Honda Accord, that is. She offered him her car keys, which he accepted. He drove off. She was car-less but free of him.
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4ack (pun intended) for customers’ quick relief. That is, until an idiot ignored the potty’s NO SMOKING sign, entered with a lit cigarette, and blew potty and truck to Kingdom Come.
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3disapproval at the animals’ bowel habits, especially their rejection of toilet paper. The monkey carried a roll with him, offering it to every squatting animal. They all refused.
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4migraine is being pounded on the head by another clown. Wincing, he pulls out a bottle. The voiceover says, “Excedrin…because migraines AREN’T funny.” Like that ad? NO?!? How about
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2Lary’s thoughts go back to when Leonard Bernstein made a like comment about his lack of sole. Or was it “soul”? Whatever. Lary decides to exit the music world altogether and enter
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2peans. In fact the bathroom would never be cleaned again after it was mobbed by a busload of tourists who’d eaten Lamb Vindaloo the day before. It immediately became a fire hazard.
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3Vikor Brony anymore. During the commotion he had morphed into a tube of Preparation H, hoping to calm his hemorrhoids. Now he was a tube with no butt, and his rrhoids still burned.
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3It advanced on Trotsky then halted. “Don’t I know you from the Revolution?” Trotsky thought: Should I lie? It wasn’t me; he means Dad! “Yes, comrade!” They walked away, arm in arm.