Finished Folds (41—60)
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4boy chair, waiting. Just then Aunt Jemima, recently freed from the supermarket shelves to become a freelance assassin, snuck up behind Mrs. Butterworth and popped a cap in her ass.
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1But Atrax lumbered onward, mallet in hand. Suddenly, Marty rose and asked Atrax, “Ever notice Atrax spelled backwards is Xarta?” Dazed, Atrax pounded his own head with the mallet.
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2fortuitously, farting furiously on the far-flung furnishings. Just then, jokingly, Jerry and Jen journeyed in, jumping for joy and questioning the quorum, “Alliteration, anyone?"
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2throat. My girlfriend had hated the damsel ever since she caught her making goo-goo eyes at me. Secretly I freed the damsel myself. We ran off together & lived happily ever after.
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2y tiramisu disintegrated beneath my fork. The tiramisu rotting was like Poe’s “The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar.” I was grossed out by rotting flesh—and tiramisu--and puked.
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1So his first question was…How’d Kurt Cobain do this? After all, HE was locked inside a heart-shaped box for weeks. He decided to ask Kurt but learned he’d died over 25 years ago.
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2picked up my shovel and joined the chain gang. Paul Newman was one of the gang and spoke some BS about “failure to conjugate,” but I saw nothing there related to verbs whatsoever.
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2a brown skid mark on the couch. Knowing the store’s slogan was, “You shit on it, you pay for it,” he tried desperately to elude the JC Penney manager, who was in hot pursuit.
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2he said to the cow. “Haven’t you any other pies?” he asked. “Pumpkin? Apple? Cherry? These cow pies are just…SHIT!” “That’s right,” said Ferdinand, “cow pies are made of cow shit."
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3was as blood-filled as a plasmapheresis center. Bradley literally drooled at the thought of sinking his fangs into her. But Pam was cagey and not anxious to be sucked dry. So she
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1when Alfred Hitchcock suddenly entered, in profile of course, in time with his theme music. He began his usual greeting: “Good eve-“ “Oh, SHUT UP!” interrupted Monique. “You’re so
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2ation sword, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “What’s funny about the sword?” my hubby wondered. “Gen. Pershing himself presented it to an officer!” “Woooo!” I went, and hubby fumed.
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3the heavens with an upward-thrust fist. This was rather high expectations for a photo of some African guy, but it persevered, achieving great renown and making quite a good living.
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2Speaking of waking up, you may never wake up AT ALL! Pluto’s got nothing on a poor slob who lies down for a nap and dies in his sleep. But, like Pluto, he’ll never pay taxes again!
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3the plane, and the pilot got sick of the kid noise and the depletion of the peanut supply. He dove the plane suddenly. The kids rolled toward the cockpit as he opened the bomb bay.
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2Oink styled himself after Napoleon in Orwell’s Animal Farm, with one exception: He was no leader. Oink soon found himself at the wrong end of a cleaver and became a slab of bacon.
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2consumes you and your firstborn. Mother of Christ! The Motel 6 evacuation meant I wouldn’t get a complimentary continental breakfast. I spun the manager around and saw his face was
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2Indeed, the only thing “indefinite” breeds is “incredibly stinky,” especially where decaying hosts reside. We decided to be proactive, laying in a huge supply of Glade and Febreze.
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2his secretary entered—dressed as an eel—the Principal nearly shit, thinking he was seeing double. It was just a plot by eel and secretary to drive the Principal nuts—and it worked.
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4To top things off, the late Patti Page suddenly appeared on the back porch and burst into song: “How much is that doggie in the backyard?” Christ, I always HATED that song!