Finished Folds (61—80)
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1Then I thought: Drano may cure constipation if the chemicals avoided the stomach, which would be utterly destroyed. The solution? Shove Drano up the ass! I’m bound up, so I’ll try.
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5on the counter before Bertrand when he surreptitiously opened his fly and lovingly approached it. Seconds later, an unfilled pastry had become a cream-filled delight. Want a bite?
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2Odysseus rolled his eyes. “If there’s anything I hate more than a talking cow it’s a talking cow spouting ‘MOO’ puns constantly!” Perturbed, the cow replied, “I’m UDDERly ashamed!"
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3I re-entered the cockpit to continue piloting—followed by the inebriated baboon, who wanted HIS chance to pilot the plane. When I said “No,” he got nasty and bared his teeth. Just
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2comes to Irish dancing, boy can that one 16-legged model outdo an entire cast of Riverdance! I decided to mount a dance show starring her, calling it Creekdance. Then her demands
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1them square off back to back—with unloaded guns (I told you they were stupid). At 10 paces they turned and fired. There were only trigger clicks, but the demons still dropped dead.
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1considered “pulling an FDR” by keeping his handicap secret, but finally we thought a double amputee on our dance team would earn us brownie points for compassion. That was until we
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5er, they were STILL arguing about which was more important. Neither the “Asses in the Seats” contingent nor the “How the Seat Was Paid For” delegation gave an inch. In the end, it
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2mumblety-peg fantasies using the Bowies instead of pocket knives. In time, they tire of the Bowie knives too, until one of them says, “Hey, let’s use machetes!” So that begins
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1Spring, when “Birdman” Robert Stroud made canary-feather wings and tried to escape off the prison roof. Alas, Stroud was better at studying birds than imitating them, and he landed
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7My thoughts hearken back to dear-departed Mom, whose idea of loving motherhood consisted of donning a makeshift Nazi uniform and approaching me with a snapped-off car antenna. She
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3lot.” Manatee was nonplussed. ‘’What does a ‘red herring’ explain about this case, officer?” The cop shifted nervously. “Uhh, I guess I thought...” Holding the bagged fish, Manatee
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5The comic’s act was dying and the crowd grew antsy. A patron pulled a tomato from his pocket just as the comic tried again. “OK, the skeleton orders a beer and a mop and…” SPLAT!
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2and knew they shouldn’t be in Oz because they weren’t even characters in the Wizard of Oz. However, they decided to force the issue: The Oompa-Loompas attacked the Munchkins and
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4the window. 5:59. Chad started down the rope but had attached it to nothing. 6:00. Now on his ass on the sidewalk after he had fallen 3 floors, Chad cursed and stood up. 6:01. Chad
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3Spanky and Alfalfa entered the lav and saw the club’s manifesto circling the drain. “What’ll we do, Spanky?!?” “Call Buckwheat! He’ll know! In the meantime…” They turned on Judith.
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1I was led into the Oval Office, where the president was napping. He awoke with a start. “Scary Bobbins, is that YOU?” “Yes, Mr. President, it is I! How about a spoonful of BOOGER?"
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1girl whose feet deserved to be admired rather than tickled mercilessly. The more she was tickled on those adorable feet, the HORNIER I got. I could stand it no longer. “OK, that’s
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3Then the Aunt Mildred phantasm put down her book and shifted her butt uncomfortably on the chair cushion. It spoke: “Sheldon, I have to use the bathroom but don’t have any
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3As they rode home, Santa bitched to Mrs. Claus. “Shit, I’ve had enough. I’ve got better things to do than make toys for brats and stay fat!” Mrs. Claus was puzzled. “Like what?"