95 Folds
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, she said to the Magus, who turned and swiped back his gift in a huff. There was a flash of brocade as he swirled flamboyantly in the desert sun, raising sand around himself like -
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cancelled, in favor of other cartoons with better titles, such as "Uncle Jasper's Whiskers", and "Good Gravy, What's on Dad's Shirt?", which ran for 35 consecutive seasons without
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"You can't do that to me, son," cried Tony. "And why not, Dad?" said Freddy. "Because that hooker from Toledo is your mother, and the love of my life!" "Her name is Candy, Dad!"
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of King Reginald the Mouse-Hearted had been preserved in spiced oils and put on display at the Coward's Museum, right next to the pike on which Pansy Joe's head had rested after
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site had begun to ache, as the novocaine was wearing off, but it was her heart that ached the most. Martha stepped into the empty elevator and mashed down on all the buttons at
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dissect Mr. Potato-head, stuff him with cheddar cheese, broccoli and sour cream, and then devour him, leaving only the tiny plastic face parts. "Towel please, nurse," said the
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the fattest dog that ever lived, using my clever plan to eat everything in sight at all times. My dreams were ruined when my owners pushed me into the fenced yard and I broke a
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which would be the best to invest in." "Thanks, Siri, I will invest in all of the stocks across the board." Luckily, they were going cheap and soon my father was freed, though near
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Only I knew how waterlogged the dreadful gun was, how clogged with seaweed. They backed away as I waved it toward them. Just then, an eel merged from the barrel, and they all began
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had to save my only love from the Creigddr's possession. "I throw myself on the mercy of his majesty," said I, "to beg for the restoration of my Poopsie." The King gave me the stin
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she had promised him had just been given to Bertrand, who didn't deserve it. He didn't care any more. He knew he just had to have her, right there on the copier. Her elbow hit the
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Well, the ones with money do, and the agents knew this. So they released the recording, entitled "Sounds Like Crap", and made 3 million dollops the first day. Critics hailed it as
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were doing, a terrible leftover from his human days. Unable to exist in either world, the orangutan went deep into the forest, resigned to live alone. His tree-house was built with
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Unfortunately, Orangutan Man did not count on the damsel's abductor being heterosexual, and uninterested in his mock advances. He scratched his orange dome as he tried to come up
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commute to the palace, he figured, would save him lots of time at his new job as King. Rollo did not figure in the fact that the homeless shelter would no longer be available for h
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oranges are sitting in crates in dangerous proximity. The orangutans are hungry and the oranges have ripened, but still my boat is quarantined. I have begged the port authorities
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So it's hey-ho, over you go, blankety-blank as you step off the plank, and it's down! Down! Soon you will drown in the cold, cold sea of obscurity. All the words you wrote will be
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my "thing", and I hated to miss them. But Aunt Irene always tried prevent me from going to them by planning elaborate family dinners on the same night. Well, I had had enough!
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"Yeah, but that would mean buying all their crappy art, first," said Zetawilk, who had been standing close by, in the shadows, "and my delicate sensibilities will not permit me to
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peppered the line where my signature had been. "You are released from the Dead," he said, and the world around me seemed to drop as I rose. Suddenly I was back at my job at a 7-11