Finished Folds (2801—2820)
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6I decided that I would become a cauliflower. That way if anyone ate me their breath would smell funky and it would serve them right! As a cauliflower I wandered, bored, insane and
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3Then all was pain and torment. When he woke up the next day his doctor told him that he had suffered a migraine and should avoid too sugar, stress and astral travel. But he didn't.
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2Twice, when she wasn't looking, I nibbled at bits of banana in Sophia's hair. I had to stop when I got some hair stuck in my teeth. I lied and told her that the wind had blown
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5-til the lobsters died of natural causes, after which we made a bisque that was to die for. Well, the lobsters died for it, anyway. Bless their hearts.
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5for my broken fingernail," said the nurse. "You just do that sweetie," said the doctor as my cranium and spine waited impatiently on the gurney. Meanwhile, I left this mortal coil.
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3"Where should I put this banana?" asked Bruno the babysitter. "Just put it in this box," answered Dick's wife. Meanwhile, Dick had parked half a block away and came crawling toward
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7-oincidentally. The only thing our zombie government was really good at was cutting funeral costs. They ate the dead, so there was nothing to bury. The mortician's union was angry.
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3-t as a cure for my exhibitionism. In a few short years I was well again, and could walk the parks without opening my raincoat, thanks to Dr. Dkgfhgdsyer. The odd thing was that
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6The lightening frightened the little boy pirates so much that they wet their scallywag drawers, but the huge waves swept across them and washed it all away. A burly mermaid danced
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4climbed aboard her Piper Arrow and flew over the town. Sure enough, she spotted him speeding away in her Maserati. She brought the plane down low and leaped in through the sunroof.
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5"No substitutions!" hollered the waiter. It was then that they realized that all the food in the restaurant was actually pre-made and frozen! And made of tall white people!
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4The scientists were afraid of losing their funding, so they had padded out the experiments quite a bit by now. "We must find out what happens when we pour this concoction on jelly
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4Not only could he instantly concoct any cocktail you could demand without consulting a book, he could also quote everything he had ever read, which was mostly drink recipes.
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4bled outside his bathroom door. "Go away!" the Governor hissed through the door, but he could hear them out there giggling and shushing each other. How could he "make" with all
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5this nonsense didn't do much for Mjölnir's sanity, but his hair looked terrific. He had the sexiest hair in all of the Nuthatch Sanitarium. Even when he was in the rubber room his
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0-ee me in the morning." So two years and a day later I went to see Dr. Goodfeel. "I did what you said, Doc, but now I have the clap." Dr. Goodfeel applauded. "Twice!" he laughed.
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4burly vegetarian gentlemen just so she could get inside the Whole Foods. To her dismay, there were no whole foods left in the store, only half foods. "This is an outrage!" she
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5corner and began frantically huffing glue from a paper bag. Josiah put down a wheel of cheese and sighed heavily. The old man put his items on the counter and Josiah totaled them.
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4portraits to be hung in the parlor. Their creepy bovine eyes were painted so that they followed you around the room. "Isn't that precious?" she gushed to all the visitors.
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6What they got was Grandma Lucy and her jar of current jelly in which she had accidentally dropped her dentures. The explosion had propelled her into Dr. Strangelove's laboratory.