11 Folds
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6
laugh him right out of the Cartoon Character Country Club if he didn't dress the part. Later, at the C4, he saw Eric McDuck with a sailor shirt and no pants. "How does he do it?" -
7
building a banana storage palace for him, paid by jungle taxes but exempt from paying them. Gonzo dwells there to this day, flinging poo at any who approach the yuge eyesore.
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4
clumsily forward, only to slip on the peel and spring back into a mad dash without missing a beat. My legs spun like cartoon pinwheels and I took off, trailing smoke from my shoes.
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2
I finished reciting the piece; the lion was still humping, the burglar had stopped resisting, and I was still recording. So I sang: "In your bunghole, your tiny bunghole, the lion
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6
and inching its way to the door. Before it left the tequila worm looked back at me standing by Sammy's dead body, liquor covering the floor. "J. Blair sends his regards," it said.
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6
"Fire in the hole," Art cackled. Thinking fast, Mr. Blue Skies aimed a champagne bottle at the threatening seat of Art's pants. "Bottoms up, you mean!" The cork popped, flying true
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5
creating a diversion! As the robotic guards at the corn chip factory swarmed over him, his amigo Muncha Lucha was infiltrating the lab to steal the factory's secret salsa recipe.
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4
You try haunting the viking astronauts in revenge, but they're too busy doing science and conquering alien worlds to notice. You have to admit they're cool even if they killed you.
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6
the bodies of mice aside with a snow shovel just to get to the front door, until one day I came home to find police cars. My affluent cat had been arrested.. for flea-collar crime.
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2
in their customary garments: Zip-Lock bags and tin foil. My hosts smiled in approval, wheeled out the spoiled cheese carts for me and cried: "It Begins! Truth... Or Dairy?"
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2
The next day Ron came up to me after Potions. "What do you mean you need my 'member balls' back?" I blushed furiously. "No Ron, my REMEMBERALL! My note must have been defaced by
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5
"Your methods are unorthodox," I told my shrink, "But they certainly work." I quacked, waddled, flapped my arms; joyful and free of anxiety. "Great," she said. "That'll be $1,500."
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6
snapped pictures of my bare chest as I turned to my friend. "See? Two nipples. Count 'em. The rumor mill can shut down now." Yet the cameras kept flashing as the crowd became
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1
If the days blur together, get with her on four letters: V, O, T and E. She's the bet for you and me. Do we gamble this change we believe in? Trump card means game over, friend.
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4
"You live too hard," said Det. Manatee simply. "If I were a doctor, I'd say: don't drink, womanize, or chain smoke." With a wink he produced a flask from his coat. "Fortunately..."
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4
she met with her cousin Kiki. "How's the parcel delivery business?" Teresa asked her. "It's taking off," she said, and cackled gleefully. As a parlor magician, Teresa could only
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5
"Bah," Said the director of Area 51. "These speculative illustrations of the Raman aliens are preposterous. Triangular bodies? C'mon!" "What if we gave them boobs?" "Now THAT's a
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2
admant that I replace 'my '93 Volvo with a new-fangled flying car. "Stop being so cheap," Said Mr. Wong. "Get a nice Chevy AirCruiser with Bluetooth and heated seats like the rest
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3
"Check this out #23," said one thought cop to the other. He shined a light on the wall over the urinal. "Graffiti about Chaucer instead of wieners." "Misdemeanor," said #23, noting
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8
he decided to temper it with a casual half-step or two. Soon he was slinking a waltz - slink, two three, slink, two, three - down the street. Absolutely no one paid attention.