65 Folds
-
2
impy little guys I can carry under my arms like folding chairs. There's some doing [snicker] cardio. "What is up you absolute dorks," I asked. But I goofed; these were Track Guys. -
5
white-tee-and-maroon-slacks combo and the pit of milk snakes i fell into is coincidental. The trigger-shy Cincinnati Zoo guards looked on as the diverse snakes plundered my
-
7
The next 8 folds are dedicated to Mrs. McGurk's dissolving marriage and the Atkins diet.
-
2
To the tune of $100,000 and a "Baby Off Board" sticker, the typical haul for a surrogate birth. Her would-be sister handed baby Amy to her new family and did a make-it-rain gesture
-
5
In 30 minutes, the hostage negotiator slid a banana curry pizza thru the doggy door. I scarfed it down while mom and Nicki Minaj watched, still chained to the couch. Sirens blared
-
5
and squeak at 50 dB, well exceeding the output of our Whisper-Quiet Maytag Dishmaster? I can't even hear myself think (20 dB). They're going to wake my big-eared Canadian husband
-
6
"The song I'm thinking of is obscure, you probably haven't heard it," I told my date. She plucked a lily from a headstone, and quipped, "Actually I know all about the underground."
-
5
Luckily Pam brought some of Elijah's casserole in her pocket. But, right, what to eat it with? She looked around the bathroom... "INCENSE CHOPSTICKS." Pam knew she just invented
-
4
Colgate Oxynamel 2-in-1 Whitening Agent™." Product placement in standardized tests was out of control. Where did the money even go? My desk: falling apart. Ms. Cox's teeth: falling
-
2
wrongly rearranged his alphabet soup from "their" to "there." On purpose! Mom got him a Souperwoman instead of a Superwoman, he was acting out in total dork fashion. Grammar Nazis
-
3
over the headset his mom got him. The Prophet of Truth thumbed through his strategy guide, belching slurs. “You’re so good at slurs,” said Private Aiden from up the street. Halo 6
-
7
I say "courteously" because letting him draft off me saves him fuel. Sunday driving shouldn't be restricted to Sundays; I transcend your days, calendar. If I want to drive 25 in a
-
7
Getting kinda sleepy 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Zzzz. What I didn't know was that while counting sheep gives you sweet dreams, counting scary rabbits gives you nightmares.
-
5
THESE wORLD cUP REFS, LIKE, WHICH TEAM IS PAYING THEM MOre amirite// >>>Hey< now my shift key is stuck too> This is better1 I sure hope no other keys get stuck< that would blowwwww
-
3
His suspension from the World Cup meant Luis Suarez spent more time at home with the kids. He would bite their napes and carry them, and the postman, in his mouth like a mama bear.
-
4
America. Just kidding, we imprison everyone (prison-industrial complex LOL). The pandas arrived in Australia, which has a history of convicts and World Cup dominance. They hid in
-
5
-im? Not if he went on the offensive. He mashed the million-dollar murder button until it killed his hunters, and $7 quadrillion appeared in his pockets. Hooray for big cargo pants
-
5
The crocodiles lured us in with personifications: grinning widely, walking funny, and making mixtapes. Then the WWFers stored the human meat on arctic ice, a poor choice. It melted
-
7
, Amy, named him after spots of pee he left in the carpet on stormy nights. When she covered them with the sofa, Spot saw this as a territorial power play. Fearful but prideful, he
-
10
But then, inspiration. I made a lengthwise crease down the center of an embossed sheet. Paper airplane, bitches. I folded two (2) corners to the center, titillating the clientele