Finished Folds (2161—2180)
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8no clothes at all. He had spent all of his money on that iPhone. Now he couldn't afford such necessities as razors, clothing, and
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2happened right after he ran the first 4-minute mile. "Roger, don't drink and drive," I said. "You can run faster than a car anyway." ...Oh wait, that was Prefontaine. I'm so
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7my hungry hungry hippos. I pushed all the marbles to the middle and let them stay hungry. "You'll live longer," I said. "I read it online." But as I slept, the hippos
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3drank his own piss. Yeah, that's predictable. But what the fuck else is Bear Grylls supposed to do?
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3and on fire. Oh no! I guided him to the chem lab's eyewash station just in time. Phew. I didn't want him to go blind before he noticed my highlights.
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3grizzly bear doing cartwheels outside. "Will do acrobatics for hunny" the sign read.
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4-orie diet smart water-filled pump-action scatter blast Super Soaker. No one was safe, especially not
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6being a D.A.R.E. officer. I warned 5th graders nationwide of the dangers of merging with soul-dragons. It was a tough sell, because there aren't any dangers. I'm a fucking dragon.
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5-vistic/synergistic outlook had led to huge profits. Plus he had a posh Tzolk'in calendar and employed a vigesimal numerical system. I loved men from fallen civilizations.
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3hooking up GoldenEye 007 for the N64. It was a good way to distract the old folks from their impending doom. And many of them were war veterans, so they loved a good blood bath.
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5being converted to Mormonism, but Samantha was too late. The rest of the XC team went off to Utah and left her to fend for herself in the woods. She was confronted by Fat Lion.
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7aduate Chess Tournament, the hallucinations flared up again. The pieces came to life and shot flaming arrows. Jamir was dragged from the room as he screamed, "The rook is on fire!"
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2shit with the door open, to walk in the nude on non-nude beaches, and to scream when I masturbated. Being the only human on Earth was even awesomer than I had hoped.
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11he opened his Christmas presents a day early. He got a singing tie and a singing fish. But he didn't get that which he desired most - a singing toothbrush. He struck his wife with
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4I loaded my gator-skin bazooka with baby pandas and launched my counter assault. My first shot was on the mark - the panda hit the first PETAtrooper's head, and both exploded.
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2Embezzlement Evan and Identity Theft Ian. I was honored to be Rape Raul, the newest member of their prison gang. On my first day, I stabbed Ponzi Pablo to death with a toothbrush.
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0a billion more dollars, I could buy up all the cocaine in Mexico and exchange it for blowjobs. It was a foolproof strategy, but unfortunately, I was no fool.
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1because I stabbed them with pencils. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Now I was blind and unsightly, so I thought purchasing a seeing-eye dog would be wise. But
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3of my balls. I told them not to get too close, but I did let them take pictures. I also picked up the ladies who gave out the free triscuit halves at Sam's Club.
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5He had tried out for the Mouseketeers, but instead he was cast for the Minnie Mouseketeers. Dwayne even had to wear a tutu. That explains why he later starred in Tooth Fairy.