Finished Folds (581—600)
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4My realer dreams were of corporate layoffs and small talk with my wife's friend's husband. I hate him. He laughs at my strict regiment of Powerade Zero. I'll give him my jungle fe
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6so I tore of my fishnet stockings to corral the fugitive fishling. "You're not that goldfish from Cat in The Hat, you're not destined for greatness," I said. The goldfish disagreed
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3infested by sharks who could sense drops in dopamine. Maybe he should start his heroism globally, then scale back to local gigs (shark teeth are SHARP). The suicidal drowner
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0Los miembros de la Gentlemen & Eruditos Club decidió leer "Lo Que Ellas quieren decir cuando Hablan Como Mujeres" para llegar al fondo de esto. "Ah, un juego de Putt-Putt Golf para
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5to make her a "loaded vealburger beefaroni". What the cosmos does that mean?" Chef Boyardee said, "I went to culinary school, so I have no idea." The beef sizzled as my girlfriend
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1Because I could use her as an excuse for failing and absolve myself of personal responsibility. Or it was her butt. Yeah, it was her butt. My heart was ill-suited for thumping, so
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12He shifted from bull to bull with a total disregard for team chemistry. Now the Rodeo was coming up and he'd be bein' bucked by some stranger bull. Jim 'n' I tried to stop him from
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7I was ready to sit at my keyboard for an entire day without touching them. It was the only way to get past my haphemania. "Spill Doritos crumbs on us, make us filthy," they begged
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4a sale on distractions for the ADHD-afflicted, mostly just more flashing signs. He approached the clerk. "Ma'am, how much for OOH PRETTY LIGHTS." She was tempted to cut the power
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4My clever analysis involved prescribing Brad a reckless cocktail of medications that would unleash his feminine side. Brad returned a day later and said, "Doc, spot me." The dosage
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4to be: Slinky Dog. He already had the felt ears, but the obvious obstacle for Poocher was turning his entire midsection into a slinky. "I need something like a painless can opener
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4Nerf darts for the assassination attempt. "Lego girl does strong counter damage to large feet, but these large Hulk Hands should prove most effective." He became drunk at her party
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3close enough to chocolate cake: mud. "What a dietary swapportunity this is. I'll lose weight for sure." I ate deeply of the mud around the river until I'd made a moat. My gut
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4to encase them in a cocoon too. If I could synchronize our emergences, my time lapse video would win 1st prize for sure. I couldn't transform until I deciphered my dad's sloppily
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12Sure enough, three weeks later, the prince climbed up my pit braids instead of Rapunzel's locks. A volunteer at Locks of Love later wed Rapunzel, so we both won. I won more though.
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4we had to kneel to Satan's every whim, even during his Martha Stewart phases. "Now he wants us to make cornucopias out of bones of the damned, yeesh." The cookies were to die for
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4"Go pick up your rifles! Rifles are for shooting. If you wanna throw stuff, chuck some spears through their pencil sharpeners." The color guard was falling to the white out cannons
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3and wished to be in the spotlight for once. If daytime was the Sun's and nighttime was the moon's, then the darkness's only hope was glam rock. But "I Believe in a Thing Called
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2lower abs. My enamel-o-meter beeped during English class on account of all the bulimia. That's when Aiden brought in the donuts. "He's trying to fatten us up for bikini season!"
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4Rhinos with horns in the front and stingers in the back were plaguing the chinese military. "Where are we supposed to attack them, their sides?" Wrong. The rhinos had cannons