Finished Folds (721—740)
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6The speling principal was a hardass and strutted about her office smacking things with rulers, often the butts of insubordinate children. The grammar principal ruled Frank's empire
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3my pockets and TSA agents are trained to sniff out human flesh. I scampered through O'Hare's petting zoo and into the small knife shop. Maybe I could cut the body parts into little
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1because time flies up for old folks, and Father Time couldn't keep up. Having lived for the entirety of time, he takes one step and whoosh goes a millennium. Daughter Kylie's balle
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6secret compartment where I hide #14. 16) Do #14. 14) Set more reasonable goals, who are you kidding? 15) Jump to #17, you've done this one already 17) Don't eat all the sugar-free
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4a Support Psychiatrist to step in and stare at their watch until an hour's up and hand you a bill and prescription too. My Support Grandma died, but in her Support Will she left me
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4It wasn't a matter of "who" but of "what". That "what", of course, is an attractive severance package. Ninja Pope left for the Bahamas to practice his shuriken technique in peace
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5Hipster coffee had a short shelf life, as patrons were quick to drink it before it got cool. The overturn in the phalanxes led to them being breached by Aspartame, whose craziness
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2It quickly froze over, as the Russian winter was as cold as it was Soviet. I punched his beard and it shattered. "Heh, now your chin has no protection," I said. His mother's boots
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8I'll be your wind turbine." And I was. I spun my arms to his wind and powered our imaginary world of groove. I was too committed to break character and smacked several people in
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5churches advocating theological fatalism. We dogs chose to lead the will-less humanoids as seeing-will dogs. "Look, a decision to be made," I barked in the drive-thru. My humanoid
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5going up in flames lessens the impact. "Thich Quang Duc wasn't chugging pickle juice as he burned, y'know," said the Vlasic Stork. Sensei Shih lit up a blunt instead of skin. Rasta
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6shop class. We did a chapter on wooden stakes and vampires, but nothing about ghosts, fascists, or dictators. I built a hut to protect myself from Ghost Mussolini and his army of
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6I achieved respectability by upgrading to Diet Code Red. Ah, "Save the cheerleader, save the world," I echoed through a mouthful of snacks. I seized another bag until I was full of
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7causing severe bruising. "How am I supposed to model with such a ghastly blemish?" the Playboy bunny asked. I would've suggested modeling shoulder pads, but I didn't want a bruise
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2Crumpets vs. Krimpets with dentist drills in the background. The Crumpet Lovers Society filed out of the waiting room in search of a pasture. Nothing says "crumpet love" like cows
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9, which made the world come to a stop. Livin' La Vida Loca was the force that kept existence chugging along. "Ricky Martin tapped into some mystical cogs, man," Lola thought. Hubby
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6er had no idea 8 was for lesbians, 10 was for heteros, and 11 was for gays, either. She enrolled in a night class to catch up on her number slang. Johnny said, "Classroom rule #34
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6He emitted a Splenda aura that gave me cavities whenever I stood near him. His last good tooth fell out as he said, "Pass me my insulin." Aha, I had stolen his insulin for revenge!
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7. Her make-up dripped off on the dance floor, revealing The Woman That Was Used Up. She was composed primarily of silly putty and wooden staves. Mrs. Wrinklebag tisk tisked and
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4Before we could investigate Godot's corpse, it was taken away as the Gods hadn't applied the proper postage stamp. "The Gods'll probably regift him anyway," I said. Scant evidence