Finished Folds (761—780)
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3they detected any hint of femininity. Capt. Jettison flipped the channel toward Spike TV, but on the way he came across this touching melodrama about a mother of... GAH! NO!.. Must
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1body. "This is the closest I've ever been to a female," I thought as I blacked out from blood loss. I awoke hours later in the giant mosquito's manse. A ring was on my finger
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9, something with class. "How about I stand in front of a green screen and compliment people?" Jim Brass suggested. The Comedy Central exec said, "I'm gonna need 3 racist jokes per
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2The sieve-like defenses of my pillow fort were no match for my little sister's hockey stick. "Retreat!" I said, grabbing my plastic lightsaber and escaping out the back. My Teddy
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4Even Hector's toys had ditched him for grander plans. A silverfish scurried by. "I command you to keep me company," said Hector. It replied, "Uh, I've got a... thing. Bye now."
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4The Gold Panda wore My Morning Jacket in the Soundgarden to hide from Interpol. The Walkmen were "In Bloom", though Paul Banks's Dismemberment Plan loomed large. Agent B52 set sail
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6The sweat and dirt rained into the hole, only to evaporate back into his eyes. He was the hole's Mother Nature, and the worms worshipped him as such. A violent Mother, he wielded
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4moderately functional horse was conceived. She needed an über horse to be born to raise the standards for horsepower in her competitor's trucks. She gifted the bionic horse to Ford
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5This is how mediocre fish became all the rage. Catfish with Lyme disease? #1 bestseller. The Japanese also could no longer afford to cook their seafood, so they wrapped it in sea
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3penguins, who bet me $20 that they'd be able to fly before me. But, alas, I can only stop time. At least I have as long as I need to imagine cool powers. I could fry penguins with
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6restrained, which is more often than is wise. I used to think that my humor was evolving, but it was just my alien hand. Its folding mind is far superior to mine. I take credit for
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4I'm fond of crushing snakes, but I always hated when they bit my ankle in self-defense. That's why I hike in snakeskin boots. Snakes won't bite a fallen comrade, they're honorable
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4into a bong. The Fairy Bongmother took bong form whenever she needed a little love in her life. The lipstick on the mouthpiece was her way of saying "Get Some". The Prez inhaled
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2who thought sweets were only for the wealthy, as they were stuck in the Middle Ages. I tried to use my noodle to think of a way to appease the Occupy gals, but it went limp when I
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3the A was silent, and that his stubs created a force field that deflected all jokes and criticisms. "Let's keep this KFC interview short and thick, er, I mean sweet, Darek." Greasy
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1h her smile. Thus Nancy Pelosi swallowed the trillion dollar coin and ruined limitless borrowing. The bar stool was painful enough, but her gold stool the next day was a wee bit
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6broke out of the bottle of Mezcal and stammered in. "These humans gave me a *burp* bad liver, I demand repar..." He passed out, likely from 5 simultaneous heart attacks. Rebel worm
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5my role as Guy That Women Regret with pride. Every woman I slept with went on to get her life back on track, although I was the one that veered them off the tracks. My beer gut
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4"Two symmetrical spherical things that touch" was the universal Form of Mmmm, according to Croc Bot. "How does this apply to coffee?" a foolish intern asked. Croc Bot unzipped his
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5to construct my duct tape house and never again fret with repair. I even let my daughter paint her room any color she wanted, so long as she wanted silver. Ninja stars tore through