Finished Folds (1141—1160)
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4his van was towed because of his fake license, he went into the forest to live with da bears. "I offer a fake prosecutor in exchange for residence in your cave," he told Papa Ditka
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3the local Impromptu Hats Club. It was soon at war with the neighboring Narwhal Enthusiasts Organization over possession of the falling ice cream cones. "Maybe this IS bad," I told
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11Luckily the black hole picked it up for me. Its selective, benevolent gravity was a real plus for our town. Rabid strays: No more. Trash collection: Easy. But where did it all go?
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4Just one sneeze could leave everyone caved in. My boss tapped my shoulder. "Boy, you've been promoted to the Transylvanian garlic mines. No más salt with deadly weapons for you."
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4you? Anthill acne and formication?" Avery nodded. "Well Avery, allow my assistants to strap you in. Prepare the Raid cannon!" A large cannon descended from the ceiling, pointed at
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5the chicken patties just weren't as good as the ones at Fillmore Elementary. It was time to invest in a lunchbox. But what to pack? PB&J was a safe choice, as were Dunk-a-roos and
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6hunchbacks, whose ears are closer to Earth than those of aliens with posture. "I hear screams," said Quasi-XK7. "Earth motherly screams." He rung the bell to alert Commander
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7[Footnote 1: Lincoln assigned an essay the day before his assassination]. The other audience members consulted their programs for tomato etiquette. Tossing at fellow theatre goers
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3The infinite depths of Frosty's coal eyes haunted Kommy the Komodo to this day, as did the thumpity thump-thump. After another bout of night sweats, he called his cousin, Puff, to
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4handymen at least. It was always purple hair that clogged the drain in the bathroom at Nappy Nina's Hair Cutlery. This Chinese cab driver was no help in giving directions, so I lea
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5linens woven with the hair of Malaysian children. "According to the label, these linens were also made with mayo," said Bigby, fearing the worst. He stormed into the kitchen where
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4I used my heavy-duty dustbuster on the bush and accidentally sucked up the birds. I flipped the switch to dustgust mode to expel them, along with 3 years of cat hair, into the atmo
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3Ronnie was the guttural screamer for Retching Uvulas, a death metal band. Lately he'd been listening to George Michael and hoped his bandmates would welcome a new direction. "Guys,
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4Step 1 - Get a pen and paper so you can write down the next eight steps, they are of utmost importance. I'll wait... ...Hey! You can't go back in time with a space pen! You'll ruin
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4My time with Friendomatic was so lovely that I bought the "With Benefits" upgrade. I leaned in for a kiss. "Don't you want to take me out to dinner first?" it asked. The nerve! Not
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7How do they kill time, fantasy sports? Idle chatter? Bah. All I need are FoldingStory and a clear view of the secretary. A little to the left.... perfect. Uh-oh, the boss! I need
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2They deploy extra agents with pooperchutes to strategic locations, like Waffle House. "Someone ordered the bacon-wrapped steak omelet!" shrieked Commander Skidder. "We need 2-ply
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6Hanging "You Are Here" signs in my labyrinth was the most demoralizing part. One day it became too much, and I went all Pamplona on a running laser tagger. "You got the horns!" I
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3"Quiet down over there!" screamed the DJ, his brows high. But there was no stopping the excremental wave, not this one. It swallowed every beach ball on its way to the stage where
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3parole across state lines without a permit. "That's a violation," said the parole umpire. "I hereby eject you from the free world." "No! We saw him first!" said the fashion police.