Finished Folds (1161—1180)
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4He rode his flying pig to the frozen tundra of Hell to ask Satan for help. "Dark One, catdog rain is destroying Earth," said the hamster. "I know we have a... past..., but please
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3"I can't afford to lose any blood, I'm supposed to donate at John Kramer's tomorrow," I replied. I stepped away. "I was actually impressing his girl," I said to an imaginary camera
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2was everywhere. I can't believe the man upstairs let THAT slide through. I found a trampoline so I could bounce up and give Him a piece of my mind. Luckily I had huge quads from my
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6I don't know why I even bothered. Consciousness was a real drag on the whole. My sense of self was probably my least favorite sense, come to think of it. Damn, another thought! Why
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8"But what became of the freight container?" my sister asked. "He was my favorite character." She didn't appear any sleepier, so I pulled out the sequel, "The Freight Escape" by
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4The dynamite blew off my legs, but I could still crawl to the antidote. "Cover me, Private!" I yelled, shielding myself from plasma missiles with fallen henchaliens. The poison gas
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6-laim-worthy. Apparently husbands with past divorces and drug habits violate Ebay's "Damaged Goods" policy. He was returned to me in a box without holes and enough bubble wrap to
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3-sped as an act of Karmic justice for his Harley-stealing a life ago. In his cave, he was rewarded for his good deeds with the gift of correct speech and a biker helmet. You saw
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5Dale said to the shoemaker, "I may be in my 40's, but I can't tie shoes. Could you craft me a pair of velcro light-ups?" The shoemaker delegated the task to his apprentice, a blind
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7They took the form of Optimus Crime, imposer of justice, wielder of the Sacred Branch of Interpretation. There were many gallery casualties as Optimus Crime smacked Ninjattorney
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6that $500,000 for a 15% stake in my kakapo scents is a bargain." Mark Cuban was a great white in a tank of basking sharks, so he countered, "I'll unleash Dirk if you don't lower
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6that Humpty would be born again as the immaculate conception in a barnyard hen. The frying sacrifice ran its course, and the lone man rounded up every king's horse to witness the
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5But the biggest danger facing police is donut-inspired Type 2 diabetes. Hi, I'm John Deere, on behalf of "Mowing Down Diabetes". Analysis of cop gore revealed high blood sugar and
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2speeding tickets. But that wasn't stopping devout librarian Janet Hornsby from traveling back in time to save her stolen Dewey Decimal System poster. She packed heat because she
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3once before, and gave birth via seasarean section. This time, Det. Manatee let out a deafening "Moo!" as the fetus exited the flexible mouth. The smell attracted a local shark who
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5trough sale on the village edge distracted him. "We've been here for hours, Pig Steed the Noble. I really must get to the jail," I begged. But he kept comparing wood finishes and
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4dreamcatcher. "At least he left the bazooka," I thought as I climbed onto the stool and grabbed it. Day 12-Found husband's receipt for 10 jugs of bleach and a jumbo trash can. What
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6glitzy bow. They loaded glitter into the bowchaser and fired on Titan and LGBT-unfriendly asteroids. Bertie wished to fire lettuce and carrots for his healthy eating initiative, in
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6But then I ordered the GeoSafari (*dramatization*)! Now I rattle off world capitals and archipelago latitudes with ease (*results not typical*). For only $49.95 (*plus S&H*), you
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3counter-a-yak strategy. However, a fooled boy picked me up and tossed me at a passing truck. The Dodge Ram knocked me into an open field, where I lay unconscious amongst cows and