Finished Folds (1401—1420)
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2for the ants to carry us to the River Styx. Suzanna's voice and my Alabaman banjo will bring Charon to tears, and we'll turn Styx into a tunnel of love. Or for Life Alert; my hip
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4The countdown to year 2112 had lost its strongest digit, so Neil decided to nip the Solar Federation in the bud. He traveled to the Temples of Syrinx with a guitar and
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5the platform a free agent janitor such as myself needed to land a new gig. I entered stage right, broom and dust bin in hand. The audience tossed roses as I swept Dr. Phil's halves
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4supposed to be alive. Satan gave Death a call. "Look pal, we're backed up as it is. I don't need you shirking protocol and killing willy nilly." Death was bitter about not getting
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3before the kamikaze ones, those with the most chiseled quads, jump from the moon and attack Earth as deadly meteors. When they come in like lions we'll be out on the lam.
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4"In light of the untimely death of Horace the Housefly, we need to pick a new mascot." The school board surveyed their surroundings. "How about The Gazebos?" "No, we should be The
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9Depp made a beeline for Sara's assymptote, she yelled, "Cut! Flat Stanley would've respected my limits." Lynch stepped in. "Sara, that's brilliant - Johnny, cut her again. Action!"
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10I do not like them, Herman Cain." "Would you like them freshly slain, shedded bare, or with chow mein?" "I would not like snakes in a train. I would not like them freshly slain,
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6The bear slowly unzipped the tent and peered inside. A wide-eyed couple peered back. He cleared his throat and asked, "Do you have any honey lozenges? Sore throat." The commercial
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8Swag all day, ftw! -- I posted the comment beneath Big Lion's latest YouTube video, and hit "like" on all my accounts. I got suckered into an argument with some hater who posted
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3The only exception was the time Sue dated a guy who hadn't uploaded a picture, but actually looked like a silhouette. "I've always liked men with a dark side," she said politely,
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5read his misfortune cookies with a knowing nod, "You will be bossed around, brace yourself." Anna leaned in and yelled, "Marc, show me the misfortune, SHOW ME!" He hid in the bath
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3"Get back in the gorilla suit," I directed. I could already smell the Oscar. "Action!" Gorilla: My darling, at long last, I've returned. But I have strict orders to eliminate
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5made her life expectancy tracker go haywire. "Arriving at Death in 40 years... recalculating... 20 years..." The snakes wrapped themselves around her neck, "... Recalculating... 10
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5I ran back to the tribe. "I found my spirit animal," I said. "Henceforth, you shall know me as -- Transcending Slug." The warriors cackled. My father'd wanted a 'Sitting Bull Jr.'
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3Or ape grapes. She shaped fruit into nuts (ape Grape Nuts), then crisps (ape grape nut crackers), then barrels (ape grape nut Cracker Barrels). She filled the barrels with monkeys.
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5a smile, but then Roger whipped out his lighter. Was the cologne actually kerosene? At least the fleas would stay away from her corpse, she thought. He leaned in with the flame and
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9"Welcome, Baltimore Zooians, to your first Animal Etiquette class. I am Mr. Johnson, the..." *BURRRP* "...cover your mouth with your forelimb when burping, Mr. Walrus. Our first
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4His genius was too great for barista-ing. His vegetable-flavored mouthwash would be a hit - it was kid-safe because it was too gross to swallow. He slowly untied his apron, dropped
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3the toll taker's head, which fell on the "pass" button. The cars sped through, their drivers praising the Fruit Poops' sacrifice for the sake of their convenience. The extra money