Finished Folds (1421—1440)
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3save the girls from becoming brain-warped government cigarmakeresses? During play time, Arnold hid beneath the milk tray as the agent loaded the Teletubbies Mind Control Episode.
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6For Sale: White Furby, still in the box, excellent condition. Comes with free three-bedroom, two-bathroom estate. Call me for pricing information @ 410-123-4567.
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0"Aww, is it moving day again, daddy? I was just starting to like this place." "Yes, dear. Every Tuesday. Pack only what you can carry." Nick Nomad and his family clan set out for
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5"Hey man, wanna call a truce?" he asked me. We were back-to, pistols in hand. "Sure thing," I said. But I still planned to take my three steps and blast him. When I turned around
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3knew I shouldn't stretch my swollen finger. My nut allergy had been activated by the packing peanuts that came with my medication. Now my wrist was ballooning. I reached for the
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7door-to-door salesangel approached. Ryan had hoped there would be none in heaven, but no such luck. He courteously opened the door. "Hi," said the angel. "Rent-A-Harp is offering
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4on that chart of keyboard shortcuts for me?" I switched to my smartphone to check Frank Gore's fantasy numbers as I said, "Yessir, I'll Ctrl-P it this afternoon." I would forget
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2flipped to "tame" in my copy of "Fox Idioms for Dummies." As it turns out, talking foxes use it to mean either "sober" or "checked for tics". Either way, a play date with this fox
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5purchase mail-order Mexican food in their native Klingon tongue. The Mailman will even present your mail flan with a heartfelt Klingon greeting. The equal opportunities are endless
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6blical locust swarm summoning powers. Never let crops or other extraneous vegetation impede your path again! And call within the next 20 minutes, and you'll get a free pocket-pro
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3becoming a seasoned brain bulimic to cope. She always kept a spork or similarly crude trephine in her pocket in case she needed to drain scarring memories, like when I called her a
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3-stuffed tater tot with rubber duck sauce. "I thought I was a FOOD taster," I quipped to the Arby's manager as I circled a 1/5 for flavor and presentation. Next item: Diet Tots.
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2called C. Everett Koop, America's Sir Gin General, for advice. "The best way to treat a hangover is to drink the pain away," he said. "Doctor's orders." So I grabbed the vodka and
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7Steve had learned through experience that New Year's resolutions like losing weight and being faithful to his wife were unreasonable. He lowered the bar this year by resolving to
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6As Bob sat in Church, he counted on his fingers how many of the Ten Commandments he was breaking. "Let's see, I'm coveting Dave's wife, and all of her goods. And I'm about to steal
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5grade his math homework. "I'll change the F to an B if you pass me your Capri Sun," she said. He wanted to pass, but his Lunchable was salty. His mom also ate lunch with him, so he
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4"Save the Welsh". I had inside information that some English chaps were planning an invasion of Wales on the morrow, though they said they didn't need saving: "We have a secret
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5Dear Santa Claus, I've been a really good boy this year, so please don't bring me any more coal. What I want for Christmas is 1) a puppy 2) cash 3) a vibrating shower head 4) a new
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4But I was a trailblazer. "Gimme some more bread puddin', ma. I need to mop up this gravy." I could feel the carb train making its way to my bulging biceps. Bench presses were a fad
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4Jim was a weeds farmer. But wherever he planted his weeds seeds, nothing sprouted. "Where do all the weeds go?" he asked the heavens as his downward-growing weeds emerged in