Finished Folds (1461—1480)

• 8
  my allowance on pigment insurance. Once the Xenu calf tattoo was applied, I visited a dermatologist. "Hello, Miss," he said. "Our Pigment of the Day is albinoid. I also recommend

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  2011-12-13 20:53:00

• 7
  with his suction cups, channeling his pent-up lust into her sore trapezius until she was stuck for good. The sly yet affectionate Kraken smiled as he asked, "Happy ending?" Her nod

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  2011-12-12 18:03:46

• 7
  into Satan's Toy Box brought a multitude of my childhood keepsakes into view. What had the toys done wrong, and why were they trying to escape? I imagined playtime with Satan to be

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  2011-12-11 21:37:15

• 5
  Harriet, the therapist, started a scavenger hunt so the elderly would stay active. Wheelchairs traded paint in pursuit of hidden dentures. The grand prize at the top of the stairs

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  2011-12-11 11:59:59

• 3
  and colored over the pee stains on the rug. The kids plugged their noses with Mr. Sketch markers and resumed writing. The first story, "A Tinkle in Time: 'Holding It' Gone Wrong,"

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  2011-12-10 11:13:19

• 5
  he studied abroad (via Skype) in Food Lion. Jimmy never told his folks that he was on the pre-med fruit track. The prof./manager explained the difference between banana bruises and

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  2011-12-09 17:48:35

• 7
  broke the birdbath over his head. Marbles was whisked away to monkey jail for destroying the habitat of the mysomalleefowl, an indigenous germaphobic bird. He shared a bunk with

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  2011-12-09 14:43:14

• 6
  e cancan technique. A man staggered forth from the bums and said, "So y'all wanna cancan? Lemme teach ya *belch* how." He pulled a dusty tutu out from under his cap and sprung into

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  2011-12-09 09:15:33

• 5
  to this McDonald's Play Place. I held out my satellite net and waited for the (likely) alien technology to crash through the roof above. But a kid in the ball pit started throwing

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  2011-12-08 10:18:56

• 5
  shot a round, but my pants caught fire. "Liar, liar!" she yelled. "What's your real job?" "Um... I'm a profile portrait model," I said. That career went up in smoke as my nose grew

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  2011-12-08 08:59:04

• 5
  Manifest Destiny, the goal of which was to colonize the solar system. He set his apartment to sauna-like temps to prepare for the Sun. He'd hoped for the Asteroid Belt assignment

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  2011-12-07 17:31:19

• 5
  revolution drive-thru fair. A poorly paid child actor reenacted hauling porcelain tubs of coal through mine shafts. "Trader Joe's should be just beyond the Moldy Bread Bistro," I

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  2011-12-07 05:48:41

• 3
  Mission Log Entry 1: "3 a.m. My tent collapses again. I hope the cheap TVs will be worth it. The mother of 3 behind me gives me dirty looks. Can I trust her? Ooh, a door opens!"

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  2011-12-06 17:29:35

• 7
  As I descended into anesthesia, the surgeon asked, "Paper or plastic?" "Paper," I dreamily replied. My rhinoplasty was performed without a hiccup, but I awoke to a paper nose and

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  2011-12-06 07:01:17

• 2
  der the cargo in this relationship is beyond me. My camel licked me with such lust that I dropped the suitcases into the sand. "At least her ladyhumps are well rested," I said as

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  2011-12-05 14:36:38

• 5
  the royal tutor tried to assassinate him. The king noticed her crab knife bookmark in "On the Origin of Species," and that "kill the king" was penciled into her lesson plans. He

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  2011-12-05 08:42:13

• 1
  oying homemade rubber duckies together, but in another way, your overzealous interior decorating. As you knock on my door, the buffalo plaid shag carpeting on the ceiling sheds on

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  2011-12-05 05:29:30

• 8
  Before school, I pridefully set up my Mars and Pirate Lego sets on my desk. When I returned, smoke was rising from the Mars Rover, and the Black Pearl had capsized. "Who did this?"

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  2011-12-04 09:37:22

• 6
  used her pieces to spice up our Star Wars Lego set. Igor stuck legs, sentience, and hair onto the Death Star. "It's...alive!?!" I shouted. Our battle station rose, its tractor beam

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  2011-12-04 09:30:56

• 3
  psyche. I asked my astral travel agent about safe, Tempur-Pedic places for stew. "Psychiatric wards and Mattress Warehouses are popular destinations," she said. "Or you could try

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  2011-12-03 17:17:11