Finished Folds (1721—1740)
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3Boca Beth instructional language DVDs worked too well for Tommy. He now spoke in eclectic blends of Spanish, Na'vi, and Zulu. "Hola, triéa-ióang, clip-clop-clip," he told his mom.
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3doodling a pie on high-precision graph paper. It spewed steam in the form of a sine curve (Or was it cosine? Perhaps he should pay attention). He called it "Pigeon Pi." The teacher
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4church landfill. Philip rode his bike down a giant mound of discarded pews to pick up speed. But as he approached a mound of Lent candles, he snagged a busted stained-glass window
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2tried proving to Scales that he had a tender side. "I've been volunteering at an urban development NPO," Godzilla said. The pretty dragon saw through him. "That was a court order."
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5and so did Crocs and sandals. The goblin knew he'd starve unless he tried new things. Hoping to acquire a taste for the undead, he went ghoul-hunting; he used his Peterson Pipe as
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3wipe you from existence with my anti-human Tide-To-Go. "Hold still," I said. "I'm trying to clean up your rum stains." But as your torso gradually disappeared, you grew suspicious.
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3, humans acted as sentient atoms of a new Earth. Some evolved into rainforests and monkeys. But when others evolved into timber magnates and bulldozers, bioethical debates ensued.
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5"I bet I can shed faster than you," said the snake. "Not so!" said the blue crab. As they speed-molted, Aesop rolled his eyes. Animals would try anything to star in his next Fable.
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9was filled with Yoplait Light. "Oh boy," said Sparky. "I grew opposable thumbs just in time for Lisa's bimonthly health kick." The dog put on his pea coat and left, searching for
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11did I buy carnivorous goldfish? I could hear them flopping down the hall towards my room. "Hello, 911? Goldy and Mr. Finnegan are trying to eat me. I'm seriou..." *click*
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5God's Lite-Brite was malfunctioning. "Without stars, the planets will go haywire," he said. Jesus grabbed some Christmas lights and frantically hung them from the heavens.
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4he came across a road sign that read: "You are now in The Know." Billy's dog was instantly upgraded with an intelligence chip. "Disobedience is dog's original virtue," Spunky said.
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4The Siamese twin separation surgery was a huge success - now I was a singular sophomore. Unfortunately, my twin got to keep the brain. "Jimmy, what's the capital of Ghana?" "Uh..."
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4rectum of Moby Dick. "I sense that Moby has a bad case of tonsillitis," said Rx Man, who grabbed his pill gun and climbed up the digestive track. Darrell stayed (in the) behind.
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3Big Wheel-jacking. I was too gentle to stick up for myself, and now I'd have to barhop on foot. "I guess bullying doesn't stop after high school," I said as a lady stole my drink.
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10The negotiations between Easy Button and the CEO of Staples continued: "My client demands to be marketed as a superhero," said Easy's agent. "His superpower? Summoning toner."
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2a to-scale model of the Andromeda Galaxy with legos. "It's like guess and check, but without the check," I contemplated as I positioned a red brick for the G76 star cluster.
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6had to be on Wikipedia. But when I reached the site, I discovered that the language had been set to Gurtvian. Had the Gurtvins invaded my office? There were splattered tomatoes on
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1the ice cream man was a narc. "These strawberry dips are addicting," said George. The "ice cream man" raised his eyebrow. "Do you struggle with addiction, son?" Panicking, George
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5intersection. It had one-way traffic because of construction. "Perfect." He threw the phone at a worker holding a stop sign, knocking him unconscious. "It's my way on the highway