Finished Folds (1761—1780)
-
5where he was subjected to an extreme g-force, so he morphed into a big 'G'. A Sesame Street camerawoman rushed onto the scene. "We've got ourselves a Letter of the Day," she said.
-
9-ter to churn, and rubber to burn. But the dead bodies in Blockbuster uniforms were really disconcerting, as was a sign that read, "Phantom Predator Feeding Grounds." I climbed up
-
5-ir mind's dark recesses. "Gee bro, I love this raid," said Renfrick. The prehistoric giga-ants' eyes shot open. The Mother Ant bellowed, "They've brought Raid! Attack formation!"
-
4-spierre head above the fireplace. I removed the powdered wig lid and -GASP!- the Tesla transmitter plans were gone. In dire need of bovine intervention, I contacted Manatee PI.
-
4The TV blared. "Hey, non-heathens! It's time for the show about an uCONVENTional twisted SISTER who's second-to-NUN. She's Supernun! With her sidekick, Wooden Ruler, she fights
-
6rhythmically through the silent (and abandoned?) discotheque, basking in my limber years and searching for my long-lost blue Qiana shirt. But then I heard the scratching of vinyl
-
5's self-checkout section. Walmart had been replacing cashiers with greeters ever since the Great Register Robbery of '92, in which a cashier made off with Yorks, a roll of dimes, &
-
9hair weaves, in which the plant had laid eggs. As it used its roots to slide the biomecha-mart to an area with more natural sunlight, Joe decided to play hero. He grabbed his Zippo
-
4I fashioned myself a connoisseur of degeneration. My opposable thumbs and I could be seen at modern art exhibits, jazz concerts, and WrestleMania. "They're doomed," I said smuggly.
-
6my powers for evil purposes, like when I planted herbivorous tomatoes in my neighbor's tomato patch. "Good lord," he said. "A couple are obese, but the rest have been sucked dry."
-
4I made it my mission to channel this energy into "converting" people from their tastes to my own. I took my sister's iPod. "Gaga?" I scoffed. "That's not metal!" "But I like her."
-
6The Sun and I aren't on speaking terms. We are both at fault, I suppose; she's been disappearing every night, and I've been seeing a tanning bed. We tried galactic counseling, but
-
6a head of iron-enhanced lettuce. "Hm... a fresh head." Suddenly, a sarcophagus swung open, and out jumped Jherek Manatee of Mars! "Your life is in its final phase, Phazon," Jherek
-
3Carrie Ann Inaba said my fabulous factor only warranted a 6. Apparently, I had hammed it up too much, and the routine made less sense than building a house of straw. I longed for
-
1: the brains of highly evolved Cecropia leaves. Today he was short on luck, for the leaves were juking him in the heavy breeze. Luckily, the Weresloth had a slow metabolism and
-
5the part of my brain responsible for making rational decisions. My eyes came across a Burger King. "'Drive Thru'? Gladly." I hit the gas and plowed straight through the entrance
-
6command his interest. Once, a woman was walking to the beat of the song in his head. "This is not a mere coincidence," Toby concluded, his heart now pounding like a second drummer.
-
9"What did I say about electronic devices?" "Just checking the score, ma'am... ah, we're ahead by four. And while I'm online, I'll update my blog..." As the plane spiraled downward,
-
6...what, exactly? I suddenly realized I had lived my entire life without a moment of self-reflection. Why was my hair so long? Why was I sad? Why were there cameras in my cell?
-
4But my atrophic body couldn't keep up with my active mind. As I reached for the mouse to log into Netflix, my arm shrunk into nonexistence. "At least I still have my personality."