Finished Folds (1801—1820)
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5a second label-maker for the lonely first. "Thank you" he printed. His new wife made a "Just Married" label for a Staples shopping cart. The EMT's push guided them into the sunset.
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7she passed Satan the Tim Tams. "Death by chocolate!" they said, clinking cups. "So how's Roger doing in Hell nowadays?" Ruby asked. "It isn't like him not to send me a postcard."
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1bucky beavers who had the munchies? I tossed them some branches in hopes of satiating them, but they went straight for the trunk. The tree, my iPad, and I fell into the rapids
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6installed anti-aircraft FarSight XR-20's in his beanstalks (the bullet holes in the 747 were condemning). Jack climbed for the clouds. But the mayor brought ribbon-cutting scissors
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5the Pemmican Indian rode in on a buffalo. "I'm here to rescue you," he said. But then Slim Jim burst out of his office, pistol in hand. "The hostage is mine, Pemmy ol' pal!" I hid
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6some disgruntled urbanites, led by Tom Morello and the ghosts of Tom Joad and Malcolm X, tagged LA Street Phantom art on their Lexuses (Lexii?). "We could move to the moon," said
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2Sarge wouldn't approve of his makeover. "Johnson, what did I say about toenail polish?" "Sir, camouflage only, sir!" said Rear Admiral Johnson. "But sir, what about fingernails?"
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7-tory back to the beginning. There'd be no cliches to be trapped in during the Big Bang, right? But he survived floating in space thanks to Hollywood's cliched ignorance of physics
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4wrecks your azaleas by drunk driving on a lawnmower? I told Willy that beers and Deeres don't mix, but he never learned. It was time to make good on my threat and dropkick his
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5-tion joke." "Not now," Ursula hissed. "I have a proposition," said Aquaman. "Can I tell you the joke if I call Ariel here?" "Throw in Flounder and you've got a deal," said Ursula.
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5-wear when the real AugustWest, now back from Mars, burst in. "I've been helping you catch up to MoralEnd," Chaz explained. "MoralEnd's locked in my basement. The lead is ours!"
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4that were doing snow angels while on fire. The peanut-shaped interdimensional rift started floating away as I suddenly came down to earth. "Whoa, now I can write that song," I said
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4wouldn't get abducted. I'd been looking for a way out of Alabama and this was my best shot. "Take me like you took Hendrix!" I pleaded. The UFO stopped. I started to rise, but then
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4in need of resisting. He stumbled across a Trekkie's blog. "The Borg are saying that we're futile," he said. "Let's teach 'em a lesson." The Resistance manned the Viking Shuttle
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2-rgarita pitchers I could handle this too. After whooping a guerrilla warrior in my drunken stupor, I pointed the gun at my face and fired. Nothing happened. "Dang thing's busted!"
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2he was also Hitler's nutritionist. "If you really want to get slim, my Fuehrer," said Hess, "you must lay off the Polish sausage." "Aha! I knew it was the Poles," said Fat Hitler.
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3baker, shaker, and bluesy hit maker (respectively). He was a giver, not a taker or a smooth money raker. And no Laker within an acre ever found a faker Quaker.
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4I had the least stressful job in the world: traffic man for the 3 am local news. Usually I just got in front of the camera and said, "Open roads, folks!" But tonight was different.
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3I knew the cell was contaminated. The walls were covered in cysts and ulcers. The floor was burning my feet. "My God, it has a fever," I concluded as the ceiling sneezed on
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4to ads for cigarillos and TV dinners and BANG! He slammed into a DeSoto sedan. But had he really time-traveled to the 50's? Or had the theater of the mind maintained the illusion?