Finished Folds (1881—1900)
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3if I swallowed my pride and read the "Virtual Life" instruction manual. It said that I could find ammo at Wal-Mart and guns at NRA meetings. I could nap to replenish health, and
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4go straight apostle up in there and join my crew," said Black Jesus. "Man, I wish an angel would come and show me some doper magic tricks." God sent Chris Angel. BJ wept.
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3said that she was dumping him for Dr. Pepper. Once again, Mr. Pibb regretted not getting his doctorate. He grabbed the last bit of popcorn and threw it at the screen, causing
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2and his "lumpy hourglass" physique made for an odd prophet. But Mr. Peanut was a gifted orator. Even the Pistachios, who were tough nuts to crack, were moved by his parables about
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7punctured the dealership's moon bounce. The well-dressed patrons cried as it deflated. "Well that's just perfect," said his boss. "Now whose gonna buy a new Rolls-Royce?"
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2raise the pumpkin babies by herself. The Great Pumpkin was more interested in planting his seeds than he was in monogamy. But she didn't need him anyway; she had
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7with the meat from the "Sober" music video. The cameramen had no idea that the house was alive. Manny poked the chandelier, which was the house's uvula. He got ejected through the
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2that he was just like a real bartender, except he preferred Segas to stengahs. He got payed to talk in a condescending tone to patrons who did not yet own a Macbook Wheel.
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7He instantly regretted buying the generic Food Lion brand explosives. He revved up the jeep as he heard the sound of police sirens. Dare he use the Food Lion Uzi?
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2a Big Cheese marketing exec for the Food Network costume party. He locked eyes with a mystery guest dressed as a Ritz cracker. But Alton Brown, dressed as dip, cut in on his action
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2the girl cried uncle. "Don't talk back," said Uncle Yak, "or your virgin rack will be my snack." Rayne decided "outdoor" was his porn category of choice. He opened his essay tab
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4stains adorned his teeth. "Should I put the flowers next to the windows?" Bill Gates quipped. "Are you on PCp? Just set them next to that stack of iPad 7's," said Steve.
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2the roofie coladas finally wore off. She awoke with a start. "Why are my legs spread apart?" she wondered. "I don't normally sleep in this position." I tried to slip away but
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6nose hairs. She had considered trimming them, but the prince had a thing for rurality. She entered the ballroom. Guests stared, but the prince's lustful stare was all that mattered
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7develop genetic mutations with which they sprout wings and gills, and other pairs of seemingly contradictory evolutionary steps. One person gave birth to living, breathing eggs.
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5start a cemetery there to make some side-dough." The bodies came in by the dozen. But during the burials, Scruffy's bones were unearthed and subsequently stolen. The dog sued.
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12, the heuristic hobos had pillows, Tempur-Pedic air mattresses, and grocery carts without rusty wheels. With the federally aided comforts, the hobos could complete their journey to
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4and rather derivative. Newton went through an Eastern phase in his later years. He exchanged Physics for Metaphysics. People called him names like "Third Eyes"-aac Newton and
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3was actually comprised exclusively of psycho ward patients. The teacher in question snapped at the sound of children's voices. Her tics included eating chalk, giving F's, and
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3, we bigguns entered the workforce. I posed for Green Giant produce, my friend became a Rakshasa warrior, and another became a wrestler. But we giants weren't loved like the BFG.