Finished Folds (1941—1960)
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3hot dog vendor in Yankee Stadium. The Iron Horse tried to calm him down, but the ghost of The Bambino pointed his bat at a crate of Oscar Mayer weiners, calling his next shot.
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7an Alaskan Bull Worm! It was scary, all wiggly, and headed straight for our bungalows. Me and the other villagers taught ourselves kung fu and grabbed our nearest flaming trident.
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5had no idea that the salad bar had been sneezed on by a man with contagious forms of narcolepsy and rickets. The Whole Foodies dropped like unmanned Avatars in the cheese aisle.
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1Ben Folds being blasted at all hours. I didn't want to rock the suburbs; I wanted to surf the Lake of Fire with Satan and Judas Priest. So I stabbed myself with the darts. Death
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5The other inmates in the shower gasped. It was Pelican Bay doctrine that no one could encroach upon Shawn the SHIVer's "area" of the shower. I felt entitled to that area, but Shawn
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5. But the only wolf in the den was Star wolf's own Wolf O'Donnell, long retired from his mercenary days. "Can't let you do... that..." he said, passing out in a drunken stupor.
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6Ramen. Bobby Flay opened the cups and dumped the noodles into a large vat of high-sodium duck sauce. "While we let those authentic Chinese noodles stagnate, let's start making some
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2a wax sealant for human skin. Not only did it give the user a greasy appearance, but it made popping zits virtually impossible. A mob of dermatologists stormed his lab, armed with
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0of exchanging his Prussian franks for useful, modern currency, but such dreams had been crushed by the Prussian coup of Franz von Papen. So he hadn't a choice but to buy goods with
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4-filled Super Soakers, but the prez (Fred Armisen) wouldn't awaken. So Biden (Jason Sudeikis) stormed in and declared himself interim president of the Obama Biopic. "Cut!" yelled
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6that he could smell his own farts more directly. Geppetto saw the potential in this so he made a few more tweaks. Pretty soon, he had re-crafted Pinocchio into a crime-fighting
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5It left us with only six folds to write a killer english foldingstory. So we needed to get off to a quick start: Hey look, an asteroid with googly eyes is headed straight for
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3I found the SAT's writing portion to be an unwelcome addition to an already unwelcome test. Feeling rebellious, I wrote naught but an intro preceded by the title "SAT Essay Tease."
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8a sign that read "Try Our Tangy Turnip Tea". The hipster behind me in line said, "I like my turnips underground." I nodded, but I was a little stuffy, so I ordered a Tall Turnip.
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2The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Having seen how low the bar had been set, he renamed his show "Junkie Police Action." Basically, drug addicts with cop uniforms and batons beat up
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7a Lumberjacks Wanted sign on the Giving Tree. He was a virtue egoist, so he'd be damned if he let an ethically naturalistic utilitarian cry-baby cypress give his other trees ideas.
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5. I could hear millions of little terracotta footsteps. "I never roam alone," said the gnome. Just then, the Garden Gnome Gang shattered my door with their pointy sorcerer hats.
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3Nimm was relieved that there was no one around to make fun of his last name ("Rod"). But one day while he was skinning a boar, he saw a booze cruise headed straight for his island.
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3banged her knee and said, "Hi, Bill" to the guy next to me. I put 2 and 2 together. "So you're all...blind?" I asked. "Of course," she said. "These dogs aren't a pack of strays."
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6the "Fly of Despair," a highbrowly-named hellish dimension. Singh had no interest in being sucked in, so he didn't make the passenger pay his cab fare.