Finished Folds (1921—1940)
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5"You're not going out looking like that," she told her husband. He assessed his appearance: yellow duckie inner tube, clown shoes, bermuda jumpsuit, and
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4That was my explanation for my erotic Asian screensaver. Momma didn't know what "hacked" meant, so I told her the Devil did it. She promptly dumped holy water on my computer, which
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3"I'm your Hindu avatar," I said into his Bluetooth. "Read the Bhagavad Gita. Don't eat burgers." Changing his number didn't make my voice go away. Anthony sought psychiatric care.
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3to debate my Bastillemates' claim that purpose doesn't exist yet their framework for judging purpose does. They said meaning doesn't exist, ergo my argument was meaningless. I wept
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5I heard a panoply of rattling and hissing coming from my boots. Woody suggested that a snake was the culprit, so when I flipped over my insulated pacs I was surprised to find
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7Warning: The following FoldingStory contains adult language and graphic violence, as well as brief nudity, continuous nudity, and nude men who own briefs. Children under the age of
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6"Sorry I'm late," said Dale as he rushed to his seat. The other members of Artisans Anonymous scoffed. Leave it to the Watchmaker to be 20 minutes late. More irony ensued when
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3"Shoot the tentacles to open the core." What did that mean? It surely wasn't the least ambiguous advice I had been given, but I took it to heart - I reeled in my lure, cocked my
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6Fairy Godmother's dreams of representin' in the Disney vs. Dreamworks Free-Throw Shooting Contest had thus struck midnight. "Bippity boppity boo-hoo," moaned the one-armed coot.
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22-oline salesman who slept with that no good cheating tramp wife of mine gets my anthrax collection in the mail. 25. Catch 'em all! 25a. Capture a Gideon 26. Reread LOTR 27. Make a
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6FoldingStory memes on them, to which we could resort in times of braindeath. At the workshop, bribing folks to our like folds was common. We weren't above anything that boosted our
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5A spin-off of her popular "Favorite Things" list, "Damnedest Things" was a microcosm of Oprah's plunge into the dark side. Such damnedest things included sin, the Shake Weight, and
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9What had I done to the barber to deserve this mullet-gone-wrong of a haircut? Had he taken my criticisms of "Sweeney Todd" the wrong way? When I asked about his refund policy, he
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7"For now," Tigger whispered. "What do you mean?" I asked. He said, "Her breasts are voluptuous now, but in a few years, they'll sag like ol' Eyeore's balls." I barfed in my mouth
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4Yes, and another thing that had me at a loss for words was seeing polar bears doing Pepsi commercials. I asked Santa for his thoughts. "They're corporate ho ho hoes," he said.
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5"Impossible!" said one of the hipsters. "How did we find the grain if we've been going against it the whole time?" "Well no one expects hipsters to be non-hipsters," said another.
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4George Lopez had to be stopped. One of the airport security guards suggested killing him for humanity's sake. They decided to frame him by planting "explosives" in his underwear.
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5tuskless, 40-year-old quadriplegic elephant. And the only antidote that can return me to my 4-year-old human body is a potent blend of anti-antifreeze, leg of louse, and
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6bugs crawling out of his skin. He was pretty sure they were real (this time), so he employed the ancient judo technique of "stop, drop, and roll." His opponent lunged at him, but
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6Mary Magdlene - did she only take rides on my "immaculance" because she wanted immaculate children? At first I thought she was into me because of my magic tricks, but last night