28 Folds
-
2
giving absolutely bizarre names to their progeny. Most of Elon's kids asked for a legal name change as their 18th birthday gift. -
4
"I-I'm sorry," she stammered. The mouse watched her with a disapproving glint in its eye, waiting for her to go on. "I didn't realise mice adhered to classist table rules."
-
2
course, she ate them without dipping sauce, for fear of spilling Sweet 'n' Sour all over her iconic white dress. I helped her out from under the toilet roll. "Marilyn, it's a
-
1
Donations of entirely uneaten salmon can be sent to the Picky Bears Foundation instead. If it's just got a little nibble taken out of it, you might be able to sell it for profit.
-
3
"Yo mama so fat, not even Dora can explore her." The crowd fell into stunned silence. The ones who knew him turned and stared at his mother, sitting in the front row.
-
1
'Whatever,' she thought to herself. Their opinions were awful anyway. She kicked off her shoes, unhooked her bra and settled in for a night of baseball and sparkling wine.
-
2
rolling madly. I realised the dog must have bit him, and now Pitt was rabid. "Shame," I said, grabbing the syringe, "I was gonna euthanise you NEXT week." Pitt collapsed, snarling.
-
1
"Down with landlords!" she tweeted. The roaring masses approved. Before long she'd amassed an army of protestors outside her apartment building, ready to tear her landlord apart.
-
2
The more I think about it, though, the more I believe that dogs have the right idea. I mean, have you ever seen a human wag their tail?
-
2
recorded in decimal places instead of fractions. Yes, dear old Helen was a controversial figure. It's said that when she died, the local children celebrated by
-
2
Mommy used to sit and play the slots all day while he waited in the car. It was very exciting when he became a Big Boy and was allowed inside to run between the machine and the ATM
-
2
we'll just have to make sure we set the recorder on fire, too. The Motel 6 staff would like to thank you all for your patience and recommend exiting the building before the fire
-
2
if you give it a quick rinse in turpentine. Sure, it'll burn your tongue a little, but that just emphasizes the flavor. Don't be a pussy, Jeremy. Eat your turps, it's good for you.
-
2
"If I give you chocolate cake," said Odysseus, "will you make chocolate milk?" The cow paused, looking thoughtful. "If I'm in the right MOO-d," she replied.
-
1
The WompMonster's latest creation was little Christmas-themed elf booties for dogs. He'd had great success on Etsy and knew it was time to move to a brick and mortar storefront.
-
2
but instead I ended up watching a baking show. As it turns out, pie making is a matter of science! With that I started my baked goods empire and employed a curse breaking wizard.
-
1
Although the giraffe had no birds to flip, his sneer made his disdain clear. The pirate captain trembled in his boots and suggested, "how about we just neck a beer together?"
-
3
His eyes, normally bright blue, had changed into yawning black abysses. They gaped like open wounds in his face. I shrieked and stumbled out of the room. No more imagination!
-
1
released an army of fluffy minions into the store. The clerk came back, wearing a horrified expression. "What have you done?" they demanded. "Caused a cat-astrophe," I replied.
-
2
hear his grunts of exertion. He put his back into it, but not his grip strength, and the lob wedge went flying through the air. He heard a crunch and pathetic mewling. The cougar!