Finished Folds (601—620)
-
4pathetic bribe. "We want weapons, Bush," the friar demanded sternly, swinging his iron rosary cross in a rapid circle. The sunglassed sheikhs nodded in agreement. "Neat ones."
-
4Larger amphibians smothered in Nutella? New species drowned in yet unsynthesized breakfast condiments? These questions would trouble me for the next decade. The waves crashed
-
3"Huh?" Uncle Sam scratched his armpit with a fork. "Yeah, sure." Stars & Stripes Forever played on and on in his mind. He forked the moon pie into his mouth and chugged the cola.
-
3Our merry anthem was interrupted rudely by a rowdy gang of motorcycle egg-hooligans led by Humpty Dumpty. He'd turned after the Great Fall. They'd put him back together, but wrong.
-
6Muldoon. Five years later, Linda was a master woodworker, but she was still depressed and had taken to wearing scuba diving gear in public. The sky didn't rain; it bawled.
-
2her in general, the way that he detested all women -- everyone, actually. But Ed was a kissing addict, and he needed his fix, just as Patty needed a cigarette every three minutes.
-
6Zeppelin hit after another. This was not the church she remembered. The congregation, too, was BLANK. The pastor closed the BLANK bible and raised his palms. The ceiling had
-
4microwave dinners from Trader Joe's. While perhaps the best of all possible instant entrees, these meals were still processed and embarrassing. Manford Manly Voice himself enjoyed
-
5off to the brothels for a last hurrah before battle. Tragically for Britain, these brothels were arguably the best in Europe and the army was delayed for weeks, allowing Napoleon's
-
4arrived with her "fairy dust" (at a reasonable $300/oz.) Gepetto was not consoled. Still, he retrieved the mirror from beneath the couch and set it on the table. Legless Pinnochio
-
4Their pleas went unanswered. Ms. North's head minion, Zeter, sucked up the fluid remains of Billy and his comrades with a 60-gallon Shop-Vac. "Fix me a cocktail," she instructed
-
4on the horizon. "There is something I want to show you," said a man brandishing a VHS cartridge. Cronenberg approached and shoved the tape into my wound. The wolves began to speak.
-
5get him drunk in an expeditious fashion so that he would pass out and sleep for twenty-two weeks. Then they could go about their usual nasty human business: screwing one another
-
921) Deny receipt of said plan [see 20]. 22) Quit enumerating everything. 24) Don't take my own advice. 25) Find a new shrink. 26) Remember 22. >>> My keyboard ran out of ink.
-
6the nature of the physical world. "Damn you entropy!" he screamed. A beautiful punk emerged from the bathroom, causing him to shriek. ENTROPY was printed across the chest of her
-
5with second-rate materials: dried fern leaves, dinosaur baby teeth, and advanced superconductors. "When I get back to 2132, I am quit-- what? Superconductors?" After two decades,
-
9tube which delightfully resembles the male--" Click. Dad waved the remote threateningly and scowled at us. "What did I tell you kids about documentaries?" We shrugged. He crossed
-
6and another exploded head. I detected a pattern. Felix sniffed around the gore but didn't partake, having had his fill of brain. "Wait," I muttered, "could I be next?" I stayed
-
4Kitty caper #17 was the breeziest yet. "Candy from a dimwit," Whiskers meowed. Mr. Cuddlesnug nodded, then began to groom. In all, 250 tins of tuna, a solid haul. But Mr. Whiskers
-
6She looked at her saliva-coated nails. "Korean?" she asked in disgusted disbelief. Lois' father had died in that war. Or maybe it was her grandfather. No matter. Superman shrunk in