Finished Folds (1161—1180)
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2regretting that decision. The cow, it turned out, was made of styrofoam -- except for the genitals which were made of string cheese. But it was too late as a horde of rats were
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2had programs of all sorts, effective ones. Lose thirty lbs. in a minute. Breathe underwater near Fukushima. Spin so fast that TV reruns play in reverse. It just required dedication
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2fiasco. And Smirnov? "It's Putin. A master of disguise. And that mofo can down more cheap vodka in an hour than you could in a lifetime." He extinguished the cigar against his
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2the whoring was a front as well. He hadn't walked the streets since his auntie died while trying to replace the busted sewage main. Not that he minded -- ya gotta do what ya gotta
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1sinned more than anyone. Who could'a knowed? The drugs. The sex. The avant garde string quartets. Gambling on parliamentary descisions. Somebody had to clean up this town, and that
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1I resisted the urge to try. The egg had been blessed by Miley Cyrus and was probably worth billions after her performance at the Grammys. So I sauntered to the local gemcutter, Mr.
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1Arthur, King of the Britons!" in an attempt to win his clammy prey over with humor. But she was unfamiliar with the comic stylings of the legendary British troupe and continued to
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3in the experimental kindergarten. At 37, he was the oldest girl in the class, but he was also the largest and most masculine. These advantages were obvious to him, but his teachers
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3"It will only hurt for a week." A symphony of noises enveloped him, a string quartet performing in Hell. Then raspberries, vinegar, asphalt, myrrh. This was a scotch tasting like
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3which had developed in his receding gums, some 7 mm or more. Nguyen, DDS would need to be called in -- and he was expensive and mean. Back when he was Viet Cong, Nguyen lost three
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4experienced an epiphany. A storm appeared of a sudden with multicolored clouds which enveloped the aircraft. When they emerged three days later, the three realized that their
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2and fell into an open pit filled with smouldering charcoal. The trap was a success! We would dine for days on the savory meat -- which was fortunate timing since it was nearly
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5He asked his sister-in-law for some dietary advice. "What should a guy like me eat in order to capture the spirit of pins and needles, but with the variety every metrosexual should
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6hoping that someone had laid out some snacks on the tables placed against the walls. To my dismay, there was no food provided, just various human remains: small piles of bones,
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5a hold of my seventh tentacle. Then I remembered: I am not a squid! I'm a renowned marine biologist. But it was too late. The transformation was in full effect. Soon, I would find
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1She tugged at her beard, which grew by the second. "I reckon'," she answered, though her mind was elsewhere -- specifically in a tiny clay pot by a straw hut on the remote island
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6caused lifelong issues with depression and hallucination. Maybe it's just that the visions were horrible, like Bosch paintings, filled with tormented characters in uncomfortable
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5and stumbled into the lap of Father Montalban. He was four sheets to the wind and headed for five. "Don't tell the monsignor 'bout are li'l secret," he warned, "or I'm liable to
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5really see the future by caressing one's kneecaps. Maybe he was just a perv who got off on that sorta thing. Manatee had seen a lot of that kind of thing in Afghanistan, where he
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6administrator was a disaster. I quit immediately and booked a flight for Tibet. If anyone knew how to reinstate a taste-deficiency, it was the Skittle-loving Dalai Lama. On arrival