Finished Folds (2281—2300)
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4I called the helpline. "What's the capital of ex-Upper Volta, aka Bukina Faso?" It was a trick question. The answer is Ougadougou, but pronounced Wagadugu. "Are you suicidal?" said
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4delivering our weekly gazelle carcass. I caught her eye & mouthed: "There's a tiger in our kitchen." But Suzie just laughed & did a wiggle - I don't know why. The can of tuna didn'
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3Frances held Mr Angry Pants' hand. "I understand," she soothed. "We're all worried that Greece will win Eurovision tomorrow. Hosting next year would bankrupt you all yet again."
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6e he came down with a nasty dose from the infection beats. Oh no! He wasn't BEING rash, he HAD a rash the shape of Upper Volta, pre-independance. He'd have to call the wedding off.
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5threw me over his shoulder and bought 3 pounds of pigs trotters and a calf's brain. Magnus Ver Magnusson knew how to treat a girl. I busily jellied the trotters while he bounced
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6She wouldn't have got on the train with razor cut legs. The vampire sitting next to her wouldn't have become enraged with blood lust with the inevitable results. There's a moral
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5to my Bahamas hideaway. And this, dear readers, is why Bono never takes off his wraparound shades.
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6Never being one to follow instructions, Stan opened the biggest box 1st and was sucked into the black hole it contained. So 9 boxes & the instructions were left. Months later
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4It was when Evie couldn't bear to hang any more clothes on the line because all her pegs were unmatching that she took up drinking seriously.
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6earwigs are stoic. I've lived a full 24 hours. It is a far, far better thing that I do now than I have ever done. Farewell, cruel world. Please look after the eggs." I crushed it
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4So Marvin had to cure Cheecho by positive thinking alone. The rabid bat, drooling, poked its head out of his beard.
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4So I cull the weakest performing munchkins in my class. I'm human, and yes, I sometimes feel bad. But standards must be maintained. I hit all my targets so my in-laws made me head
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5He limped out of the theatre, stuck out his thumb and got a ride out of town. He was dumped by a field. Sitting on his case he thought it couldn't get worse when a scruffy mutt
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2squeezable bottles had also evolved. Dr Ruben von Rauch, in his lab, meticulously cleaned the fossil pancakes. His arch rival Dr Emilio Testarossa had discovered fossil hot dogs in
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10I thought she looked out of place but I couldn't think why. She'd wrapped her skirt around her legs & was humming a tune. It was her hair which was wrong and I realised that she
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3buttocks. It hurt so bad I was screaming from all orifices. Finally the WaxVac sucked my brain clean out. I felt lightheaded, so filled my skull with mud, silicone gel & glittery
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4. Mariah Carey fought the Creature from the Black Lagoon tooth and nail. Then she sang a piercing top F# and blood spurted from its hairy lugoles. She bit its nose off and spat it
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4pustule from her? I bend down, like I'm tying my shoe lace, and squeeze the spot. I hear a noise, turn my head and... squirt pus over my hot teacher's smooth calf.
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2five year olds' faces crumpled. "Well, thank you Cleo's daddy, for your thoughts. Let's go!" teacher said brightly. Mike thought volunteering to accompany the class to the zoo
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15The optometrist says "Meh, you wont' see it." The oncologist says "Meh, you won't live." The talking prune says "I could do with a drink." Silence. Total and complete silence.