Finished Folds (2981—3000)
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6He was a Greek waiter, she was an English tourist on the mythical isle of Lesbos. They communicated in broken German and the International Language of Love. Georgios pulled his
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0the Ex-lax guy backed a truck of pig slurry into the living room. Two foot tide mark of scum on the wall - we might have to redecorate. Charlie an me crept out of
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3wanted to kill all those Facebook bunnies with their happy photos and cheery existences. That was when I started stockpiling cyanide and collecting Nazi memorabilia. What would
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3Pain and regret. His wife became president, of course. The day he got the call from her he'd been digging his own grave in the garden. She told him she wanted him back. She gasped
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5problem decking the whole lot of them. Years of talking about sex had given Dr Ruth impressive powers of endurance. She put her teeth in, shook her grey locks back and felt the
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6I need that shit. Not." The air-groupies hugged each other so tight, but didn't kiss on the lips. Debris from the Tornado stopped them from climbing the Black Tower. Love never
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6If tacos tasted like cardboard, then Taco Bell were determined to replicate the delicacy. Senior management had their taste buds surgically removed to avoid all doubt. But Ernie
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4Hugh Grant sneered at their offering. The shrimps' little faces crumpled in disbelief. If he didn't want Pokemon, surely he didn't want their bodies. Their succulent pink flesh.
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5ve the ceiling suspended on wire. 'This has got to stop!' yelled Louella 'that pig will be a pig no matter how many diapers and baby oil you put on it!' Father Tom and Roger felt
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3She stared at the whiskey bottle, fingers itching grab and lose more time, days, weeks in oblivion. She had to forget Frankfurt, Mr Porkly and the viscous Siberian wind.
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3know that the meatball came from his extensive collection, nestling in velvet cups, displayed to perfection. I get sad sometimes, but not too sad. Just sad enough to sigh a little
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3He could spend it on embalming fluid, bandages and pâté de foie gras. All was well until the day a cadaver head spoke to him. 'Stop throwing me around or I'll get Le Monstre onto
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4Their groins leaving them frozen in fear. So Bob and Bobette never changed channel, never ate any food except burger and only moved carefully in case Sheba got angry.
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5It was jam mayhem. Icing sugar covered the ground like snow. MegaDonutMan pointed, shot a blank and fell to the ground wailing. Backup was miles distant. He started to weep.
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6Suddenly, the Giant poked his head through the cloud. 'Excuse me,' he muttered, 'but at this point in the story you're supposed to chop down the beanstalk. Do you need an axe?'
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4I rose up, enraged, and transformed into an impossibly beautiful dragon. I sparkled! I roared! My name was Death and I knew how to walk that walk. Chris blanched and fainted.
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3with his pants down in the bingo hall holding a false license plate. It was an awkward moment but Mayor Oldsmobile pulled it off with his usual panache. Al Tima was livid.
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2ng balls. She was exhausting. I got only one day off in 10 and she made me wear the red stilettos - you know, the ones that make you look too tall because they've got 5 inch heel
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7all I needed was for the lemurs to show some small amount of cooperation. But they flung themselves off the edge of my desk every time I got near. I needed some way to tie them
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4pretended not to understand what he was saying. 'Typical,' he thought, spitting her fist out with a few teeth. He'd only come in to borrow a tin of anchovies. His pizza would be