Finished Folds (1821—1840)
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4h ash and goose grease I put my rainwater filled shoes back on and caught the next train to Carlisle. The November wind whipped over my naked body and purple blotches formed on my
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2big surprise big surprise when he walked into his flat at the end of a long day & surveyed the mayhem. Vinny paused for thought. He'd only hacked into the Pentagon that once at the
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5how else could you attract the attention of Miss Muffett? I decided to risk the tuffet scanner and waited for Miss M to sit on my lap. When she did my knees buckled. Curds & whey
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3The latest scientific research shows that the voice box in men & red deer has lowered in order to bellow more effectively. "Hmm, figures," thought Mabeline as a noise like a thousa
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4the lassooing of a comet passing within Earth's orbit. Erasmos had snuck into the xenobiology lab to steal some sandwiches from the staff fridge. Ruth gasped. "That's my egg mayo
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4ting ideal building materials for a chicken facsimile of the ancient city of Kano. UNESCO were brought in to certify the accuracy of the Nigerian's work. Chik-fil-A were dismayed
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913) Wash pizza in listerine before cooking 14) Donate listeria-infested pizza to the Salvation Army 15) Deny everything including God 16) Leave the Salvation Army 17) Research how
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4lking behind the guide at Highgate Cemetery. "Umm.. excuse me," said Margie, "I've noticed a lot of half buried bodies." "Yes," she replied, "locals sneak over the wall & bury thei
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4ing under the awning of our gorgeous silk marquee I noted an absence. No quacking. The sky was empty. My eyes swept over the duckless landscape. Surely I hadn't shot them all?
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2kicked over the occasional table and ripped the hand-embroidered table cloth to shreds, I knew I had transgressed unspoken social norms. Miss Petunia's butler stuffed me through th
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5I kept my zombies looked in the cellar. It's hard to imagine now, but we used to be embarrassed by zombie infestation, & especially worried about their impact on the house value
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3India reluctantly put down her copy of 'Ravished by the Triceratops', & picked up her phone. Uh-oh, it was playing the Rocky theme tune. "Oh, Bert, it's you," she said with a certa
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4I walked into my new lawyer's office. The death masks of two of his unsuccessful clients stared down at me from a shelf above his desk. I sat and waited for him to lift his head fr
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3Second, I haven't got an ocean-worthy junk. Third, opium-dealing, while lucrative in the short-term ends in tears. Remember the 1st & 2nd Opium Wars. Fourth, Iowans don't chase the
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3What are you looking at? Strike a pose. Vogue.
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5ant vessel transporting equipment to Qatar for their upcoming World Cup fixtures. Imagine Wilson the soccer ball's surprise when Sepp Blatter chose him kick around during the publi
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4to fry eggs on each others heads. Why had Holmes been invited to speak at the Jacques Cousteau Mime Academy? Us grunt mime artistes weren't privy to that info. Holmes rolled up his
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3adapted to texting having developed sensitive yet calloused pads. With the arrival of smartphones, Quentin realised he was up an evolutionary dead-end. To preserve his unique thumb
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3peas in a blender. Surfacing from a passionate clinch, I asked, "Do you have any protection?" My astral beau looked puzzled. "Yes, invisible Zlotans from the planet Fnaargh shadow
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5to his great ennui, then I wasn't interested in the question. With a "don't mind if I do" I scooped up the bowl of vanilla and slurped it down. It was posh vanilla with black bits