Think about being alone with a horny retarded teenager that can swim 60 MPH. That's what it's like being a dolphin trainer.

There once was a prince who lived on a crowded island.

"Who the hell doesn't like the movie Bootie Call?" he screamed into the store PA system. He was steaming happy and wanted answers later. He shrieked at

The sullen President sat in his office. The election returns were in and he had lost big. He contemplated his options. He was still Commander in Chief, so perhaps if he

Avery always knew what he wanted. He was just that kind of person. That is why, at the young age of nineteen, he knew he wanted to be with his boyfriend Jason forever. So Jason now

Gloria breathed heavily as she sat and waited for me to notice. As dogs went, she had them all beat so I made the best effort to take her out before she started to leak. Damn dog

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So he went over to the station with all the goodies. He tapped nutmeg into his coffee. He squirted sugar free vanilla syrup into it. Then he poured out the creamer, thick red

i don't know what to write. i clicked the create button for no good reason. should i tell a tale of aleins or giant monsters? romance or war? eh, romance is stupid, so i'll make war

Dark nights. That's all the Legion of Doom had on the calendar. They had opted to save energy by going to bed early and using natural lights. Bizarro Superman hated this because

Degeneration. The word didn't exactly roll off the tongue, especially now that his mind was pulling a Flowers for Algernon and nose diving into oblivion. The only cure: blood.

It had been a long, tiring day. Unfortunately I lied awake in bed, unable to decide if my insomnia was due to my erection or devastating chicken-nugget farts that choked the air.

"Your tragic fate is looking so cold." Resonated with her everytime she went to a graveyard or a battle ground, and I have another song in my head that goes with this.

I knew this inevitable day would come. Poppy, the ventriquist, hopped onto the stage

I launched myself into the Cosmo, a babe, a raw nerve looking to take root in some place or time. To being changed by the journey from promise to fact. I AM THAT I AM. & you unders

"I'll take the Whiskey battered bourbon bangers and a side of Soho Chips, and for dessert I'll take the deep fried giant Snickers bars, oh, and

My super-duper-extra-strength Zit Zapper with an illegal dose of benzoyl peroxide just arrived in the mail. I tore open the package and lathered it on like soap. These pimples were

"A little shorter on the left. Maybe make it more even. Yeah, like that. Yes, I like that." Pause. "Now step away from

Hillary Clinton giggled, "Like this?" and the Greek club owner nodded. She threw a pink plate against the floor and it shattered. She slugged back Ouzo and ankle-smashed a plate

The girl at 85 High Street in Nottingham, England started one month ago to sneeze 8,000 times a day. The family doctor could not explain it, so her mum called a witch doctor friend