Imagine my surprise when the jaguar tattooed on my bicep looked up at me and roared. Hacking bits of phlegm onto the sawdust floor, Earl turned off his tattoo machine and peered

"Dean" I said playfully tucking on his shirt, "we are already here, wake up sleepy head" my fiancé groaned and opened his eyes slowly. " morning" he said as I turned the car left

I remember, a few years back, before all this drama, a certain family picnic. It was before Dad was the most wanted criminal alive, Mom was on the run for safety, and I, inocent me

"The name's Dader, Varth Dader, and I will end you." Spoke the kid down the phone in his lowest voice which was actually as high as

The Nazi Party has returned

Rrrriing rrring. Click. "Hi there, Phil here from Homecon. Do you have a quick minute?" "I don't own time. It's a river." ".. greeaat. How many persons live in your household?" "

"Sir, please calm down. This car is bullet proof." The driver slipped his sunglasses on and shut the little sliding door that separated him from the rest of the hummer.

but then I was never one to refuse a dame in trouble - even if that trouble was Danny Demore. Crime lord? Yeah I guess that's one way of saying it - if you're a euphemistic bastard

Before us, there was a whole lot of something. But it didn't matter to us, because we weren't aware. But now we are aware, we think nothing of it. Later,

"Ach." tutted Souperwoman. Jakob had spilt soup on his shirt, and was hungrily lapping it up. But Souperwoman was hiding Jakob from the grammar Nazis, and so let him be. Jakob

Oggy managed to reach the door without making too much noise. His heavy, bare feet pushing down the layers of wood. He pressed his ear to the door and held his

Hello! My name is Taipan and I am a Siamese cat rescued froma sewer. My human, Tom, tells me I neverstop talking, but he has finally found his BFF for life. We are both happy!

I am an ugly snaggle-toothed mesianic messenger, stubby wings and hands, and chicken feet. Read my unscrollling locks, as I rise like a phoenix. for my historic tweet.

a

Car airbags kill 1 person for every 22 lives that they save.

Harley was not a motorcycle. SHe did make loud noises and exhaust came out of her butt often but she could not be taken for a ride. EMa was sad because of this and slapped her on

The Sloth had come. My debt to him was overdue by two years. Two years I had run from him. Two years he hunted me. Now, I cower in the shower, and his mob stands beside my urinal.

I stepped onto the roof of the building, looking in awe at all the little lights. From up here, London looked like a swarm of fireflies. A twinkling cloud of light.

I've always wondered, "What point is there in American Football? 3 long hours, and they only spend 11 minutes actually using the ball? What do they do with the rest of their time?"

Patient #zero came into the ER today, again, spitting up random universes and stray alien civilizations the size of a dog's head. We're still trying to find out which dog it is.