"I think I picked up Albus Dumbledore at the bar last night" exclaimed Frank out of the blue. "He showed me some pretty naughty wand tricks and kept refilling my drinks for free."

The rather dumpy-looking blonde at the end of the bar spoke in the awkward silence. "In the 80's I starred in Disney's ultra-secret, first-and-only porn, "Honey, I Blew Up Uranus"

Last he heard, she had become addicted to hand sanitizer and had had to be heavily sedated every time she heard "Rockin' Robin" come over the speakers on the elevator. It wasn't

She walked on the curb of the sidewalk, a package in one hand and her keys in the other. No one would have ever suspected that she could be the one.

He was toughened up by Nam and the Smiths' split, but this was Little Drummer Boy, damnit, and these 5th graders were ruining it. "Down in front! I want a clean shot at the snare."

My psychiatrist told me that my friend Simon is a schizo. I think I need to stop talking to him, wouldnt want to become one too. But he always appears out of nowhere.

The flat screen tv was the only thing they had in common anymore and the shared feeling was that they hated it. They'd only stayed married because they were just too

"It's a novel. See that's the author's name on the cover.", Tess was excited. "I don't get it. One person wrote it? How's the gameplay?" I tried to show interest. "Just start here.

Johnny hasn't been the same since he got back from 'Nam. Sometimes I can still hear him scream,

Came home, drank about 8 or 9 Budweisers, then went straight to bed. I dreampt of thick rivers cascading as waterfalls into the ocean. So much water. Flowing. Streaming. Then

I found him by the railroad track this morning. I could see that he was nearly dead. I knelt down beside him and I listened, just to hear the words the dying fellow said. He said

Nothing ever changed. Every day Tod would log on to his favorite hook-up site, and every time he would be greeted by the same pathetic faces. No one new ever seemed to join that

I wanted to take my dearly beloved and cut 1 inch deep cuts all over her body. I would then rip out her bladder, with my own bare hands, and fill each slice with her own urine.

When time ran out and generic drugs became legal, Big Pharma pooled their resources and began to promote "Sodamitol -- good for whatever ails you." Martin Creosote, son of

I unwrapped the gum, and folded the stick into my mouth. As I thought about the funeral's cancellation I noticed a new moon outside the window. Only then did I realize

It was classic John versus Jim. Older versus younger. Calculating versus impetuous. Slower versus faster. Weaker versus stronger. Loser versus winner. Obviously,

Why, when I was your age, young feller, I trudged 5 miles to school in the snow and ice. And we didn't have nothin' like them fancy computers you young 'uns have nowadays. We were

"Why yes, all you can eat puke. What I great idea!" I replied sarcastically. Well what direction do you expect a conversation started about finding teeth in your sausage to lead to

Once upon a time, there was a tiny little mouse.

Rebellion? I go on a hunting trip for 5 hours, and they start a rebellion? Maybe this rabbit with an arrow in its head will placate the populace. Squire, fetch the royal megaphone.