Jerry measured time by the stack of unread Newsweeks in the corner. He regretted buying that lifetime subscription almost as much as Jane's attempt at

Sometimes it’s best not to go home again. I never understood why they say "Home is where the heart is" because my heart has never been within my home. My heart belongs on the stage

It was a night just like any other. I had two slugs, one in my magnum, and the other in a bottle of whiskey. I kicked my feet up on the desk to take a nap, when she walked in...

I remember being born, which I guess is pretty rare. Everyone always wants me to tell them about it, but the truth is childbirth is not pretty. Do you want to know? Okay, fine:

Hola chicas

He took the hot dog, gripped it with his tongs. The tong's teeth bit into the plump, moist wiener. He split open the fluffy bun. He spread the doughy halves apart and gingerly

Tharg fletched his teeth & gnawed on a pterodactyl bone seductively then conked Loana on the head with his club & dragged her to his cave. Zorg had advised Tharg that the G-spot

There once was a little boy called Fred. He had a no spine and had a very weird

He was hot, she was fugly, together they made

Cratered and vomiting lava, the planet's face reminded him of his high school girlfriend on her period. It was time to dance again, he thought. But tonight, he'd brought protection

As the motorcade passed, John remembered a line from an old song about an outlaw who ended up in Cleveland,

Her eyes of glass and porcelain face held more emotion than any human being I had ever met. I cautiously reached out my hand, careful not to damage her fragile frame with my clumsy

It was an oasis in an otherwise stressful time in my life. It was a pleasure to lose myself in the world of

He sat at his computer, his mouth dropped open as he read a posting from that slut. She had posted not only the picture but a story, which left nothing to the imagination, but it

Looking back on it all now, I realize that there are still questions I couldn't answer, solutions I couldn't offer, revisions I wished I'd proposed. The awful truth was that the

I was walking to the local grocery to pick up things for dinner, when I stumbled upon a book lying in the middle of the sidewalk.

Drucilla was a very ample girl.

Such a fall had never been attempted, at least not with the intent to live. Who would be fool enough to expect survival when sky diving without a parachute, but he'd seen it done.

As the cold wind blew one night, something mysterious started to happen. The trees took on a different shape, the wind became thick with a slimy mist, and

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