As he looked at the dozens of horribly mutilated unicorns laying around, general Alcazar realized his birthday party had gone terribly wrong. "How is this even possible ?"

"What did you say your name was again, sir?" the clerk said, cocking his head. The tall bearded man looked down and muttered, "I said...my name is...Turly Curd."

Once upon a time there was a teacher.

Hobbes decided he wanted to kill something. Then Calvin entered the room. And Hobbes

Someone told me. It's all happening at the zoo. some young chimp ate his poo. I do believe it. I do believe it's true. Mmmmm mmmmh woooahh mmmh..

On my way to the local asshattery to pick my ass up a new hat I stopped in the cupcakerie for a red velvet and a cup. A retired haberdasher took note of my chapeau and quipped

As the producer of the remake of "My Dinner with Andre," I had a huge crisis on my hands. 3-D post-production? Green screen? Toy tie-ins for the kids? And what about the Chinese?

"Well, there you go then," she thought as the door slammed. She heard the car reverse out of the drive, into a tree, crunch gears and head off down the street. The broken glass

All this time I thought the song was "Cheesesticks" not "G6", w/this new found enlightenment, I started 2 rethink other things 2. Parachute pants R still cool, right? Skinny ties

Once upon a time, two young cowboys embarked on a three day hunt. Four hours out of camp they came across a small herd of five pronghorn antelope. Roy pulled out his six-shooter.

"It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you eat something," she said as she pumped more nacho cheese into a bowl and ate it with her fingers. She was an amateur dietician and

Carl was scanned the text displaying on his screen, "Click here to download GeniusLog to improve your web browsing tools and experience," it said, but Carl just wanted fold stories

The servent boy fell to his knees at the Kings feet. The King looked down his nose at him with such disgust. "I here by banish you from the kingdom for commiting such a crime"

That's where it all started. As I walked into the room, I could feel the impending doom around me.

Her new OB-GYN was in a wood paneled office between The Menz Room and The Hamburger King. It seemed fitting that this would be the place she would begin really thinking about her

Etta's first husband died after falling into the birthing pool and getting the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.

IN the morning, i was woken by my annoying brother who used a feather duster and he pulled on of the feather in the feather duster and started slotting it into my ears...........

Oscar got me a frosty brew and Felix slipped a coaster under it. My cards were middling. I considered Cthulhu in that long moment. Were his/its tells contrived or revelatory? I

Don't ask where the love has gone. It was a citadel of my imagination that collapsed. Pour me a drink & let us drink to its ruins.Tell the story on my behalf as long as the tears

One day I will go to Dallas to see the rodeos.