I was walking through the woods one day, and I came to a fork in my path. No signs signified which road led to where. One path was dark, with trees growing up on each side, clawing

A is for alligator. They are green, they like to live in Florida and sometimes they eat small dogs. If you rub their bellies, they get sleepy.

I don't care what He says. When the computer voice is singing in Daft Punk's "Up All Night," it sounds like it's singing, "we'll rub a Mexican lucky."

"I am pleased to report that your million-dollar grant did not go to waste. My team and I discovered that dolphins do indeed nap with one eye open." The board members started thro

There are minor stresses at the fold lines, but through no fault of my own. I just tell it like it is. I can divide my life more or less into ten phases. I got over 'wonder' pretty

Be yourself. It's never too late to change. It's no use crying over spilt milk. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Respect your elders. Don't talk to strangers. Don't eat yellow

"You understand that this something I can't just Google, right?"

I'm glad I met my friend Josiah Toast. He was clearly a shaman, even though he only had supreme skills in mundane card magic. It's not just that he provided cover for the rest of

Emily Post got arrested today.

"Butterfly in the sky? Ha, I can get twice as high." I thought to myself as I reached into my Bag-O-Drugs, randomly pulling out

"Stop!" I cried. "Please stop."

You could hear the blast twenty miles away.

He pursed his lips in the dark and let out a silent whistle. It was the moment Tim had been waiting for. Angela removed her T-shirt and two luminiscent Areola shook free.

I propose that the town of "North Pole" shall be henceforth known by the name "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Furthermore during voting on this measure affirmation shall be indicated by the phrase

Have you ever thought what life would be like if you were a mouse ? well i know what its like cause i am a mouse.

He grew even more concerned that the schizophrenia was back when the strong aroma of asparagus pee wafted up from the bowl. He hated asparagus. He looked around. "Hello?"

Always tease tease tease. Siempre - coqueteando y engañando. You're happy when I'm on my knees Me arrodilla y estás feliz. So what do you want? Really now. Should I

"What is with all these freaking medicine men in these stories?" I bellowed at my computer. "Why can't we have benign, non-racist topics like the merits of green and purple grapes?

Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

As I stood in the meeting place I felt like such an idiot. Why had Betty insisted I come dressed like a frog?