"Never mix serif and sans serif in a single document unless you know what you're doing." Slap! It stung. It hurt because it was true. Her name was Helvetica and she

I looked inside the box and found my long lost cranberries. Feeling better now, I tied a yellow ribbon round Telly's head and laughed until the last fandango was distributed.

SWM seeking S?F for adventure and romance. Physical specs not paramount but must be fit and a lover of new experiences. Please message me for additional details or to meet.

MJ died on the anniversary of the moon landing. The NASA creeps hated him for getting all the moonwalk clicks. I use Google to expose conspiracies , but its a two-edged sword since

I was idly staring into space while hacking into my own wrists with the sharp silver blade. The blood ran down my arms and dripped on the floor, as I continued to slash to the beat

Geoff was polish, he was an immigrant. Entered UK in 1900 and reproduced. This was not good, he likes UK and didnt like poland He was going to blow up russia and hurt kim jong un

A serene fog cuddled Oldblock Manor in the heat of a summer's day, cocooning it gently. A large dog lay on the lawn, snoring in harmony with the breeze that was fluttering across

My 83-year-old mother covered her mouth with her liver-spotted hands. Her eyes twinkled gleefully. "Yes...yes I did," she giggled. "I called him 'Mr. Dildo' by mistake!"

It was a gift for the children from my eccentric uncle. Toss the dice with pictures on their faces & tell a story. But last night we there was a party & we adults played. The story

In case you hadn't noticed I'm going to clue you in a little bit here. There is no secret to happiness. No key to why we're here. No long lost mystery that reduces belly fat. The

But what the hell is he doing? I wonder.. By daylight you only ever see his shadow casted through the grimy windows.. By night the echoes filled the empty alley.. The pounding, the

We last left Alfred Hitchcock & Orson Welles running naked through the wilderness, covering themselves, buttcheeks flapping in the wind. "Worst camping trip ever," Orson complained

"Ia! Ia! Shug-Niggurath!" I shouted, and within seconds the Elder God appeared in all its gibbering glory. "Could you get me a beer? I'm parched". Winning that bet with Nodens

Why do I always want to type these phrases, "Don't turn around, uh-oh, Der Kommissar's in town, uh-oh? Peter asked himself as he spiked his hair.

When asking myself a question, instead of picking pedals off a flower, I take one of the pedals and tear it until it can't be torn anymore. Each time in half and by the end of it

Only a dork will use a spork. For me a simple fork will do. Hand me shrooms n Ill do them with you in an air balloon, uh, with the helium. Other emcees, man, i aint feelin em. Cuz

They shot the white girl first.

To whom it may concern, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm sorry for, but I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry you had to put up with me for all this time. I'm sorry I had to leave.

I made you a chocolate chip cookie but it came to life and it was so tasty that it ate itself.

You wait and see.This story will start off nice and sweet, with rainbows & unicorns, cute 'lil sea creatures & clever puns. But trust me, we'll eventually arrive at the bitter end.