"Just cos you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars." My beer foamed through my nose. "Dad, I thought your beer belly was to hide the unemployed dwarf."

"husa husa husa com belli ona susa. husi ho husi ho husi ho ho ho"

Maurice was saddened to discover that the moist toilette market was already saturated. It had been his dream since childhood to

I couldn't believe it had happened to me.

After the embezzlement charges and the foreclosure I went underground. I'd been living in the subway for 5 years and thought I'd seen everything, but the glowing eyes and chewing

I'm a lonesome hound dog. I am greek and I battle giant aliens. I also am brave and not afraid of ohms! And lastly, I can dance and play a fiddle on

As an Antiques Roadshow appraiser, I can see from the human leather binding and musty odor you have a first edition of "The Necronomicon." Where did you find it?

There's always room for more,' said Harry. 'Room for what,' asked Burt. 'For one more car. This is a car that runs on compressed air. But the air has to be from another world he

A well kept secret is the fact that young children can directly influence the world around them, only as they grow and are taught that such things are make-believe do they stop.

Red spiders were drifting down upon the park, dangling from little silken balloons. Children played, unaware of the arachnid invasion from the sky. From my vantage point on

Capricorn - Co-workers might take advantage of you. Realize your potential and write in your journal about new directions and ambitions. You will meet a dog.

The Maffia boss opened the box. There it was. Malanari's head, coated in chocolate. Dark Chocolate. He lifted the head and took a bite. It was Easter after all.

Obama walked out of the Bathroom and saw Romney bent over, texting, at the top of the stairs. The president realized it would be real easy to just

This was not what Rome. This was not Greece. This was not even Imperial China! This was not even possibly the outer reaches of the Khan's Mongol Empire!! .... This was the realm of

Once he took the tube from the centrifuge, he knew at once what was wrong with the man's blood. Turning to him, he said in his gravest voice, "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that

"The Joy of Sex and Cooking" recommends Buttercream Frosting as they best and smoothest of the food lubes.

Our mom made us go to Mrs. Sorber's house on Halloween, even though all we ever got there was apples. Mrs. Sorber made us sing songs too, to earn our unwanted apples. This year,

I switched on the electric current. Every follicle rose to attention. I could now move my hair by thought alone.

And now is the time for the uncomfortable questions. Is retarded a bad word? Is hand-washing requisite after #1? Is it pandering for 'likes' if you 'like' a fold you don't like?

*Ding dong* "Oh, hi Hubert. What sort of halloween costume is that?" "Is it a stock broker? Is it a church warden? Is it a quantity surveyor? No! It's bicycle repairman!" "I see...