I have a theory that three-year olds have a faster time frame of reference. In the two minutes it has taken for me to get her a glass of water,

The 2013 National Beard and Moustache Championships are a few months away, yet my pirate blackbeard needs work to win. Maybe I can get my parrot, Squawkers, to grow a goatee.

Two interviews down, 423 to go. Starting a company as a multi-trilionaire was much easier than the scrappy mess he started in his garage 23 years ago. This time, he vowed,

A tax on the people resulted in thousands of deaths last year. However, attacks on the people resulted in thousands of deaths this year. Who can say which is worse? Many tacks

After the background check at the Pearly Gates , he signed the forms and received his wings, halo and standard issue harp, but what he really wanted was a saxophone.

"Knock knock"."Who is it?" "It's the Plumber I've come to fix the sink."..."Knock knock"."Who is it?" "It's the Plumber I've come to fix the sink." She hesitated. She hadn't called

Sweltering, suffo ating, slimy suffering. Melting and roasting and charring every scrap of my dying energy and drips, MOLTEN HOT floods the corners of my eyes, ferociously fucked

Looking back on lessons learned from past transgressions and toward a brighter, better future, I do hereby solemnly proclaim to abide by the following resolutions in the new year:

He stepped out into the night. The fog swirled. The street lights flickered.

One day I late for school and I was running down the sidewalk when all of a suddent I was attacked!! Out of no where this huge mysterous creature emerged from the woods by the scho

Mother Nature was restless. She blew around the house, uneasy, wondering how Father Time was doing with their daughter at their first ever Father-Daughter dance.

President Humpty liked to set an egg timer and think things "over easy" when faced with a difficult decision, but now his eggs were poached. His wife Mary Quite Contrary was seen

"I wish we didn't have to wear clothes. That'd be cool unless I lived in a cold place. But dogs look so happy, just spreading their junk on the ground." Kaitlin looked at Mark

I just finished up a new section of code that I hoped would save my job at Innetech. When I loaded onto the main server, everything crashed, and my screen cracked. Inside the crack

Harry spoke slowly, drawing out his vowels in long strokes of increasing loudness. Carol didn't really know why he spoke to her like this. She wasn't deaf or retarded. Maybe he

Hola, me llamo Juanito.

There is one person who always ruins every family event. In my family, I am that person: my name is Joseph Brener -- Black Sheep of the Brener Clan and Middle Son of thirteen kids.

Being a janitor at the CERN research particle collider wasn't as glamorous as he thought it would be. Infinitesimal bits were always showing up everywhere.

This site cracks me up. It really does. I could sit here and add lines to stories all day long. My coworkers constantly wonder why I'm cracking up at my desk.

I'd nearly finished loading the hay bales but needed some water. I downed the rest of the bottle & then noticed a rabbit hole near the side of the garage. Squinting into the hole,