Every morning she caked herself in foundation and proceeded to douse herself in cheap perfume just to hide who she was, but even with that, she couldn't cover it up.

"Don't worry, Donald. If this isn't the heartland, I don't know what is." Mike Pence said grace before he dug into his open-face turkey sandwich at Melba's Diner off I-70 in Kansas

I built a castle in the sand, Blaming the ocean every time it took it away.

Today, C'thulhu woke up and got himself coffee. He checked the news headlines, only to discover that Donald Trump was now president. Of course, C'thulhu reacted with

"Because you have no ass." That upset her. She had a face. She had class. She nice breasts. But it was true, she had no ass.

"Funky!" screamed Bootsy Collins, sweat spraying from his

أبحر البوم العتيق في عرض البحر، حاملاً الغاصة و الباحثين عن اللؤلؤ في قيادة النوخذة المتمرّس في ملاحة و دروب البحر. لمح أحد البحّارة في الأفق البعيد شيئاً غريب، و صرخ مناديا اصحابه

تجمّع الطلبة أمام مدخل كلّية الآداب في حرم الشداديّة الجامعي، و جلس الجميع لتدبير مكيدة ممتازة لا تشوبها شائبة لتأجيل محاضرات هذا اليوم. قدّم محمّد أوّل اقتراح، و هي خطّة جهنّمية.

ركض اللص ما بين الأزقّة و الطرقات، هارباً من الشرطي الذي لم يكف عن مطاردته منذ خمسة دقائق. حمل اللص مسدّسه في حزامه و كيس النقود على جانبه الآخر. في نهاية الطريق، وجد اللص نفسه …

His tearful hazel eyes met her amber, once filled with a childish joy. Now it was only pain. He desperately clung to her, hoping that somehow things would be okay.

QUICK! Turn on the TV! The first sentence you hear is the next line of this story. GO!

Every night the brain eating clown would visit. You see he has been hiding in my closet and

It was when Mr Grey, a classics teacher, got a job at a girls boarding school that he developed his nervous twitch.

For George, the rehearsal just felt... off. He approached the lead actress hesitantly. "Um, this is Les Miserables, right?" "Uh, no, dude. This is Miserable Lesbians." She looked a

This is a tale about the most terrifying anglo-saxon monster to ever walk the earth. Well I say walk but this monster glides!

He stroked his facial hair. Flashes popped. The press leaned in. The pause was like a silent avalanche. Then the musician said, "I call it Post-Electric Samba Folk."

Damn. Pau Gasol is sooooo se-xxxyyyy. Mmmmmm... Sus bolas de regate son como la poesía en el movimiento. Creo que estoy enamorado. Go Lakers!

The men in white painter overalls pulled on smurf masks & entered the jewelry store. A woman in a smurfette mask yelled. "Everyone on the floor. This is a smurf up!" & brandished

I live in a world where the sun and the moon race each other for the happiness humanity. Yesterday for the first time in a while the moon shined so bright that darkness was jealous

Why is it that when the first thing we want to learn in a foreign language is new swear words? You travel & can't ask for directions but can call people mofos?