After about 50,000 thumbs up, between his lawn mower career and his lego hair on television, he will friend his dance this week on the cable network

I got detention for calling my teacher a bumhole. I thought it was clever, he disagreed. The thing about detention is that you get to learn all these neat tricks from the bad kids.

It was a gritty scene - like a train wreck. Everybody wanted to look away but nobody could pull themselves to. The detective decided a prognosis was in order. "It appears this man

I reached for the sky, just as I was told. It felt odd, as if I were trapped in some B movie. But there I was, hand up as I felt her fingers dig around for

The Dalai Lama was stuck. He had been invited out of warmth & compassion. But his monkly honed instincts told him not to. Compassion = happiness, so he sat down at the poker table

I think I'll go for a walk outside now. The summer sun's calling my name.

"I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it move it. You like to... MOVE IT!" That song was playing for the twelfth time today, this was

When he graduated with his PhD from Stanford two years ago, he was set to join a team cataloguing endangered species and creating a DNA bank of plants, animals and

Roberta had always considered budget airlines to be safe, but as they plummeted towards the mountain, she yelled out

The Rock was so determined not to be typecast that he offered to do the Mr. Darcy role for scale. Unfortunately, the shoot did not start well. You see, Elizabeth was played by

He slid the chair aside and she looked up from the menu. Her eyes flashed something he couldn't catch and she handed him a menu with a smile. "Are you aware that you're 37 seconds

The yellow cat(not Garfield)was staring at Jane so full of himself...She hated that cat!Steve was such an idiot!Why did he have to give her that stupid cat?And then convince her to

"Eat your carrots!" Linda said, trying to airplane her 7 year old son the undesirable vegetables. In any normal situation it would seem like the right thing to do - but it wasn't.

Don't panic! It could be worse...actually, not really. We're all going to die. Probably in horrible pain. But we're plucky, we're British and we have something they don't. We have

Have you ever seen something so horrific, so abhorrent to nature that your brain had to erase all memory of it after the fact just so you could go on living? Once you hear my story

I fumbled and dropped my last remaining clip. I'd never been good at reloading in a hurry, and the growing stench of piss was only making me more nervous - particularly due to

The ER Doc asked me"What Happened" "Well" I started "It's been ages since I've had sex so when so I took two Viagra. Then worrying about a heart attack I took three Nitroglycerin

Quiet! Quiet I whispered a loud a as could to myself. My tendinitis was screaming at me and would not obey. The click clack clunk as I cocked the pistol was all but inaudible to me

He had cut off shorts, vans, an inner tube, a 12 pack of Pabst, no sun screen, Too Short box set and bologna sandwiches. He was ready for the river but when he got there

Is this your card? No, wait.... Um... Is this your card? ( I knew I put it somewhere.) Okay, let's just start over. (Shuffle, shuffle.) Okay, now. Pick a card. Hold it. Don't tell