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  • 56
    Avatar
    Dump wrasslin'. Who wants ta watch nekkid sweaty men grabbin' their thongs? An' what's this. Discus throw? That's s'posed ta be oh-riginal recipe Olympic sport? It's a Frisbee for
    Finished
    2016-12-07 16:56:59
    Took
    3 years, 295 days, 12 hours, 49 minutes, 17 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    There's no tomorrow. Seriously, if you think about it, there can't be. The past doesn't exist either. You want to know something else? Life is utterly pointless, there's absolutely
    Finished
    2012-04-02 13:33:09
    Took
    115 days, 12 hours, 30 minutes, 46 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    Fact: One in four house fires are caused by a drunk person trying to cook food. Also a fact: Mort had just fired up the stove and was about to add to the statistics.
    Finished
    2013-02-19 18:57:36
    Took
    1 year, 72 days, 18 hours, 9 minutes, 55 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    A young married woman was burdened with the problems of married life and approached her mother. Her mother took 3 pots of boiling water. In one she inserted a carrot, in another
    Finished
    2017-08-20 22:28:17
    Took
    4 years, 324 days, 13 hours, 47 minutes, 16 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    Sheltie looked at Human square in the eye, and began the mind-meld. "Look into my eyes, you are getting very guilty, guilty because you have not give me the bacon."
    Finished
    2017-08-11 22:57:14
    Took
    5 years, 64 days, 4 hours, 12 minutes, 12 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    What was that...smell? Bubba wrinkled his nose and scratched his head, trying to match memory with the distinctive odor which suddenly permeated the closet. Mom? Is that you?
    Finished
    2013-06-24 14:18:05
    Took
    256 days, 15 hours, 8 minutes, 34 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    I think I've found a locally offered MFA program that interests me. Perhaps I'll start it this year.
    Finished
    2016-11-21 14:34:49
    Took
    4 years, 323 days, 19 hours, 16 minutes, 45 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    The McGriddle said to the McDonald's employee, "I am evil."
    Finished
    2013-03-15 20:37:10
    Took
    146 days, 2 hours, 27 minutes, 1 second
  • 56
    Avatar
    I wanted to know who kept destroying my snowmen so I hid a couple of cameras in the head of my latest creations. I was expecting some teenagers. I was right but they weren't human.
    Finished
    2014-03-02 22:45:09
    Took
    1 year, 35 days, 5 hours, 49 minutes, 16 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding, & begin construction of a Death Star by 2016. By focusing our defense resources on a space-superiority
    Finished
    2015-02-07 12:52:10
    Took
    2 years, 22 days, 21 hours, 11 minutes, 7 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    When transmat became cheap and reliable he couch-surfed around the globe. But even with friends he often stayed in a corner, bandages still on his head. One evening, though, he
    Finished
    2014-08-20 22:35:37
    Took
    1 year, 290 days, 18 hours, 50 minutes, 8 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    When I was a kid I thought there were Cuddlefish - really comfortable fish you could sleep with at night - and that an Octopus was a cat with eight heads. Boy, was I sorely
    Finished
    2013-04-02 00:51:29
    Took
    146 days, 6 hours, 12 minutes, 34 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    He had won. But it had left him empty and tired. The national pork shortage was just the first of many problems he was going to have to face. All he wanted to do was
    Finished
    2013-04-21 18:27:25
    Took
    164 days, 20 hours, 29 minutes, 41 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    Carp is bottom grazers. They feeds on garbage. The area 3 pool has plenty. Carp can weigh 100+ lbs! Uncle/Grandpa Doug hit on the idea to use twinkies (in their wrappers) as bait
    Finished
    2014-01-17 11:50:02
    Took
    1 year, 10 days, 22 hours, 15 minutes, 12 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    "This licence is not valid for an oversized vehicle on Mars. Please step out of the rover Mr. Jeng." The alien pointed a glowing rod at him. Yen woke up in a cold sweat.
    Finished
    2017-03-10 15:25:52
    Took
    4 years, 70 days, 21 hours, 39 minutes, 8 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    My parasitic twin and I were enjoying a leisurely stroll down the avenue when out of nowhere came the call of the world's rarest avian species, a bird so rare that only one was
    Finished
    2013-10-24 17:10:32
    Took
    342 days, 2 hours, 10 minutes, 29 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    It was a dark and stormy night. So I've been told. I really didn't notice. I had my head in the oven at the time. I was drunk and forgot to turn the gas on, fell asleep and
    Finished
    2016-03-01 09:50:57
    Took
    3 years, 63 days, 14 hours, 25 minutes, 39 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    Heaven's Gate cult leader Marshall Applewhite had the last laugh. The really hard last laugh because when they got on the spaceship they saw a bunch of Mormons on their way
    Finished
    2017-04-07 16:35:07
    Took
    5 years, 40 days, 11 hours, 57 minutes, 6 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    Jeremy had a time machine and sent himself back before The Singularity to a time when things made sense and people could speak in sentences instead of bobbling around like fish in
    Finished
    2016-08-13 17:55:43
    Took
    4 years, 166 days, 16 hours, 37 minutes, 11 seconds
  • 56
    Avatar
    After I'd used up most of the credit on prank calls, I thought it would be funny to text a message to a random person on the address list. I wrote "Where should I dump the body?"
    Finished
    2017-04-05 19:19:17
    Took
    5 years, 19 days, 3 hours, 20 minutes, 56 seconds
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