"Teleportation?" "Hello, asshole, time travel?" The Indian drew his arrow further back. I didn't care because I was protected by the

"If he gets elected, we're trashed!" said Oscar & ran the smear ad: '10 reasons I'd rather have Big Bird for president than Mitt Romney' 1) Big Bird is a Golden Condor, Mitt is a

When I was a kid I thought there were Cuddlefish - really comfortable fish you could sleep with at night - and that an Octopus was a cat with eight heads. Boy, was I sorely

I just threw old cheesecake at an old kegerator floating in the lake. What did you do on your lunch break?

I met Stalin and Roosevelt at the party. There they were at the punch bowl with Adolph. I told them I didn't trust him and they said, "Oh honestly, Winston, who DO you like?"

The Ocelot went hunting.

"Would you like Snakes on a Plane?" "I would not like them on a Plane." "Would you like Snakes on a Train?" "I would not like Snakes on a Plane. I would not like them in a Train.

As starliner Ariela returned to the homey sight of Titan, Bertie Grunch, Salad Prep 2nd Class, was filled not with a sense of wonder, but bitter hatred toward the glitterati in the

It was in my childhood home and I had a room to myself. Now for a week, apparently, I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying.

I had been searching for the "God Particle" using the newest, fastest and most sophisticated equipment in the Galaxies. Then she came, not a physicist, not scientist at all but a

She was 12 years old but in charge of Microsoft. Brilliant, evil, sophisticated, she'd taken her Dell laptop and turned it into the world's most powerful little engine. She

Keyboard Keith sat on the steps outside the studio. He told the producer he was not going to leave, he was going to play loud organ music until he was finally let in. He had casio

Eluded by yet another year, he reflects on the fuck ups of the previous years and wonders will any of his decisions ever pan out for the better, or should he just jump feet first a

The rupture was 2 meters in diameter. It was easy to find - with all the stuff from the broken pipes floating near the opening. I activated thrusters and counted to 3 - any more

Testing his sister, he strapped her down to the wall.

Listening to the satellite radio station play the old "Johnny Dollar" whodunnit radio program from the 50s, Jared knew that he would be extra-sensitive to any sudden

"I deeply deeply respect you, Marsha." All was well until my alien eye syndrome caused my left eye to wander, spiraling like a moth towards what inflamed me, her ample décolleté.

"Now I'm just fucking bored", Sandy said to herself as she gazed out the window towards her neighbors house. "Spying on people, what is wrong with me?" She placed the binoculars

The lock was rusted shut, so I broke it with a crowbar. Opened the barn doors and there she was. 67 goat with 30 years of dust and mouse dirt. But I was determined to give

I had given up trying to be an expert home chef, but I couldn't give up the fix-it. So I found uses for some of my old items. Mustard seed make great temporary ball bearings. Meat