My dad always told me love was tricky to find, but he forgot to mention how impossible it was to keep.

What's big, black, hulking, and scares the living daylights out of women? The creature living in the basement, that's what. But if I don't keep it fed, I'll be next to disappear..

Listen up! The sarge says 95 percent of us are not coming back. So, to those of you who make it. Kill as many of those zombie bastards as you can! To the rest of you, sayonara.

She likes wine; so, do I. She said she’d wear a Halloween costume for wine. I asked what costume. For lots of wine, she said I can choose. I felt a stirring. Birthday suit?

Last night I dreamt I returned to a fold I only vaguely remember ...

Like she was gonna slap you in the back of the head. That is what it looked like to me. Like your dead grandma was gonna slap you upside the back of your head. And you deserve it.

'Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I'm afraid I have bad news,' said Thomas Barclay, leaning forward from his seat. 'It's about your son. I'm afraid he'll never know the true meaning of

I first heard about the speigle device late on a Thursday afternoon. Wow, I thought. 48 hours later and I won one on an online giveaway. By Tuesday it was in my grubby hands. "by"

Això és una prova bla bla bla bla bla bla ta ta tat atata tatatasfasfs af as fasf as fasf asf a fasfaa gageg eag agegaga eg gaegag ag egeaege egeag ag egageg a ggagegega gaggggggga

With experience comes wisdom. After digging graves for 45 years, George decided to train a replacement. He placed an ad in the local paper: Wanted, gravedigger; nobody called.

And where are all the dreams kept, that we can't remember in the mornings? Are they locked up, somewhere, that we access at death? Or are they incinerated in the

Yeah sure I could suspend belief up to that part in Cloud Atlas II where Jackie Chan reincarnated as a quadraplegic midget (oh, spoller haha) whose mother is

Lance smeared smegma butter across Jill's English muffin. Then he sat back and admired his work. Oh, how he loved the ladies from London. That, and a good game of football.

You can't teach a dead horse new tricks. But you can beat them. To the ground. Ad absurdum. Then one day a riderless horse with no name ambles into Dodge City Spaceport with a mess

Never have I thought about something that big before. It was as big as a baby whale in a vast pacific ocean.

You couldn't be sure it was moss or leeches oozing onto you from the low,dark trees as you flail across bog country, pursued by an unreliable, gloaming witch light.

The first thing I noticed, when I entered his room, was a picture of his sister. She died in an accident 3 years ago. It had been the epicenter of his breakdown. I had to hurry...

Her cursor hovered over the flashing advertisement: WIN BIG NOW! It was stupid. She'd already given so much of her life away to online gambling. But maybe she'd get lucky today...

Billy Fad was not the most popular guy in town. But, he was well known for his cheesy pick up lines which he used daily. "Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cos you have a sweet ass."

"Lenny, remind me to look around after we've unpacked," the detective told his apprentice as the two boarded the SS Lily. News of suspicious activity had suggested foul play, and