I was awoken by the sirens blaring dangerously close to the ditch I was residing in. Dazed and confused, I fumbled for my cocaine and pants, neither of which were where I remembered

"I hate you as much as your mother hates you, if such a thing is possible." she said, and before I could respond, "If you died, nothing would be any different except I’d be happy.

Drek slammed the empty stein on the bar. "Let me at that dart board." he slurred. The bartender eyed him quizically and swept the shattered crockery. Drek lifted his double-axe and

So then the squishy man in the suit said, "The Great Communicator." They were astonished. "But he was an idiot." "There's footage of him admitting to illegal activity." Then the

The baby came out of the mother covered in goo but smoking a cohiba cigar. It looked at the shocked doctor and said, "

Dick's array of attention whores brought him wealth and popularity, along with recurring VD and criticism. His wealth allowed him to buy the site, www.richasshole.com, with

Gadhafi hunkered down each time he heard another explosion, maybe hiding at the Sam Missile site had been a mistake. But with all those damn Guns and Missiles it sure looked safe.

He pulled out of the driveway in his new SUV, knowing that the car wouldn't last the rest of the day, let alone the 2-years the warranty promised. What choice did he have though,

This was the moment I had been waiting for. I was about to become a celebrity. If I flashed my breasts at the exact point Tom Cruise left his hotel, I would be recognized across

The night grew darker. There was an earthy smell on the chilly air. Hannah pulled the sheet tighter against her skin. Suddenly, there was a crash and when she looked up

That day my girlfriend gave me that little box, she told me "don't open it till you arrive in Scotland" And so as I landed in Glasgow, I found out the reason she

I pulled off my gas mask. The air was stale but breathable. I looked pass the craters to the horizon. There, in the distance, was the worn red flag. I lined up my driver. The ball

It didn't seem important at the time. All she said was, "Nana, you have a big butt." That should have been the end of it, but then the nightmare began.

From my usual table in th back corner of the Starbucks. I looked over my MacBook at the hipsters and breeder moms and resumed work on my manifesto, "Greed, God, and

They McDonald's cashier politely asked my dad to pull forward and the food would be brought out. "Hell No, I won't pull forward this is supposed to be FAST food." Shame crept

I clicked 'Next" once again, I promised to myself that if I didn't find a nice girl to talk to in the next 5 'Nexts', I would leave Chatroulette forever. Cock, old man, cock, 7 yea

She was already sick of it!Couldn't take it anymore.Anger filled her body and soul.She turned to the dresser and looked at the case where she kept a gun in.Took one,two,three steps

What is the sound of one hand clapping? It's going to sound a lot like one hand slapping you along side the head if you don't knock it off and tell me what the secret of life is.

Ollie looked up as Stanley crept up the stairs, well aware that his time was nearly up. Stan gave him his best steely stare. Ollie's body tensed up, as his eyes darted around. He

The black clouds were rolling up above. I could hear the crack of thunder. I was cold, hungry, and tired. Still, I pushed on. I needed to get out of the rainforest and back to