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I got an email from a cousin of an ex dictator

  • I got an email from a cousin of an ex dictator in Nigeria who needed a safe place to store 15,000,000 $. I paid the transfer fee, and to my surprise the money was transferred to my

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  • 401 K fund. Now how was supposed to get to it, I was only 26. By the time I reached 59 1/2 they would have raised the age to god knows what. Twenty three years is too long to let

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  • a killer buzz fade away so I kept a beer in my hand for 23 years straight. I duct taped the beer to my hand when I slept so that

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  • I would have a drink ready when I awoke, screaming and soaked in cold sweat, from my dreams. I dreamed about walking in on my aunt Arlene naked with shrunken heads for boobs, and

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  • talking to her miniature dolls. Aunt Arlene loved those things but the image just seared my eyes. I would remember it when I awoke. Terrified, I fled the dream room, only to

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  • discover my furniture was a thimble and thread spool. I looked outside my window and saw the gigantic eye of Aunt Arlene peer at me. "Another one for my collection!" she bellowed.

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  • The neighbors hurried their children to the basement. Auntie's cackles sent a gust of foul wind and turnip greens into our toothpick settlement, the force of which was enough to

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  • wither the hardiest of spirits. The Norwegian neighbor children couldn't understand their parents' behavior of teetering in the fetal position, begging for death. Evil Auntie's lau

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  • ghter echoed through the fjord, awakening Kraken from his hibernation. Rising, roaring, hungry for Evil Auntie's blood, Kraken saw what she'd done to the Norwegian family & plucked

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  • her up in its slimy tentacles. Too late, she wished she'd followed Old Uncle Willy's advice: If you ever think you might be eaten by a giant squid one day, don't go to Norway.

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6 Comments

  1. lucielucie Jun 08 2013 @ 07:18

    I think I may have discovered an all purpose final line for all stories!

  2. lucielucie Jun 08 2013 @ 07:19

    Forgot to add the link: http://foldingstory.com/otisr/

  3. SlimWhitman Jun 08 2013 @ 08:10

    Hahaha. Now I'm beginning to get it. The Kraken only digests the deserving... Kraken dance off http://foldingstory.com/vg3j9/ Ursula meets JMan http://foldingstory.com/xfg08/

  4. Chaz Jun 08 2013 @ 08:13

    As the saying goes, "Something may be rotten in Denmark, but something is fishy in Norway."

  5. Zetawilk Jun 08 2013 @ 11:39

    It's okay, all the Icelandic ponies will eat the fish.

  6. inatick Jun 10 2013 @ 00:53

    I am not sure what a 401 K Fund is (some sort of pension fund I guess) but I do love that it started with a 419 scam. Also I dream of going to Norway one day but I have never thought about the threat of being eaten by giant squid. Will my travel insurance cover giant squid attacks?

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