I got an email from a cousin of an ex dictator

I got an email from a cousin of an ex dictator in Nigeria who needed a safe place to store 15,000,000 $. I paid the transfer fee, and to my surprise the money was transferred to my

401 K fund. Now how was supposed to get to it, I was only 26. By the time I reached 59 1/2 they would have raised the age to god knows what. Twenty three years is too long to let

a killer buzz fade away so I kept a beer in my hand for 23 years straight. I duct taped the beer to my hand when I slept so that

talking to her miniature dolls. Aunt Arlene loved those things but the image just seared my eyes. I would remember it when I awoke. Terrified, I fled the dream room, only to

discover my furniture was a thimble and thread spool. I looked outside my window and saw the gigantic eye of Aunt Arlene peer at me. "Another one for my collection!" she bellowed.

The neighbors hurried their children to the basement. Auntie's cackles sent a gust of foul wind and turnip greens into our toothpick settlement, the force of which was enough to

wither the hardiest of spirits. The Norwegian neighbor children couldn't understand their parents' behavior of teetering in the fetal position, begging for death. Evil Auntie's lau

ghter echoed through the fjord, awakening Kraken from his hibernation. Rising, roaring, hungry for Evil Auntie's blood, Kraken saw what she'd done to the Norwegian family & plucked

her up in its slimy tentacles. Too late, she wished she'd followed Old Uncle Willy's advice: If you ever think you might be eaten by a giant squid one day, don't go to Norway.