I hate looking in the mirror or seeing me

I hate looking in the mirror or seeing me naked. I have decided that in order not to have these stripes and polka dots I will join a decoloration gym.

In the 60s decolouration gyms became popular because of the invention of hot pink spandex. I knew many of these establishments has since closed down due to

the Great Flood of 1934. Weird how time works. Who knew hot pink spandex was the main cause of polio, and that the sellers of such items still must be put to death by law. The gyms

were filled with spandex wearers, but few if any wore hot pink. Most black, blue, and the occasional daring white. I never could quite understand how a grown man could wear

a pink dress, orange socks, red sneakers and a green hat...don't mothers tell their sons not to grow up without any fashion sense? And to make matters worse...this guy didn't wear

any make-up.Oh, maybe a touch of mascara & a bit of eyeliner, but with the big wooly beard, lip gloss was out of the question. Yes, a complete makeover was in order. "Wait!" he

yelled as Madge came after him with a full bottle of Nair, hell-bent on making his hairy face smooth as a baby's bottom and ready for full lipstick and blush. He lifted his kilts

exposing his wiry calves & made a run for it, but Madge showered his back side with a depilatory fountain so he lived in fear of a gust of wind during the Tattoo of Edinburg castle

it was royal blood. True Bruce blood. But everyone knew that blood had run out long ago. The McClouds were the next clan but to far from Bruce as to have been Lee. A Highlander?