Today.. "do you know what day today is?"

Today.. "do you know what day today is?" I kept replaying the strange phone call I received in the morning. I told the caller "Of course, i know, I'm not stupid" but the truth is

Don't underestimate the importance or excitement of a dentist visit. My dentist has eyes made of emerald and will give you a diamond toothbrush after he

probes your mouth, as long as you do not complain. But who would complain? He is dreamy.

Dreamy doesn't equal perfect and often the morning after reveals certain truths hidden by vodka and darkness. His face and body are a kind of treachery only noticed at close range

or through a rifle's powerful scope. In his case, I would prefer to keep him at shooting range. After all, I can't be drunk ALL the time, and he would always be hideously ugly.

My father always said: "There are no ugly women at closing time." I had never understood his sentiment until tonight, I mean, I'm a woman! Anyway, there was no way I was going home

with the ginger fat man I picked up at the pool hall. His breath was foul and his beard had gravy all around the edges. It looked like a fried sunflower. Instead, I'll just inch

down his sleeve to his limp wrist, where he wears his Rolex. Without him noticing, I took the watch and proceeded to walk away. He looked around but then slumped down.

His time had run out. But mine was just beginning. Ducking into the alley behind Mr. Chin's, I kissed the enchanted Rolex & slipped it on. Eternal life, Ha! Death takes a licking.