"Stick it where the sun don't shine!" Mel

"Stick it where the sun don't shine!" Mel advised, adjusting his eyepatch and hitching up his kilt. I laughed derisively. "Broccoli won't grow in the shade, you sorry excuse for a

real estate broker!" This greatly upset the Pirate Mel. He sat down, "Ok, I'm sorry." He handed me a dabloon and we drank a pint of ale in silence. I was about to say goodbye

when the Pirate Mel grappled my shirt sleeve with his hook and pulled me back to my seat. "Beware the Tides of Mars," his rank breath hissed, "They'll burn yer boat and leave ya ta

drink da sea in search of dry land." His one good eye narrowed in on me, but all I could manage was a small chuckle, as I plucked Mel's hat from his head and placed it on my

midsection. I was modest and didn't want anyone to notice that I had a thing for this beautiful one-eyed creature named Mel. He was otherwordly appearance-wise, but I was determine

d to declare my love for Mel to my parents. I knew they would love that one-eyed creature as much I do, especially because my father had one eye himself. He lost it in poker game

back in the hard winter of '74. He'd a pair of aces so scooped out his eyeball & slapped it on the table. As soon as Mel and my father slapped eye on each other, I lost her to him

It was awkward to watch my fiancee and my dad, but they'd performed the Eyeball Bonding Ritual by melding their retinas to each other, so I had no say in it. As a step-mom, Mel

Gibson was having trouble adjusting. "Mad Max. Apocalypto. Anti-semitic rants. All that -- for this?" He tore off his apron and threw it into the bonfire. "I shall avenge this