The Mat hatter stared at the little mouse.

n a still louder voice the Mat hatter bellowed "I haresay that in a leap year after Jan. 10th, March forth!" He pointed at the mouse. Alice said, "It's not a Hare,it's a mouse"

But then John Holmes said, "No Alice, it's a hairy mouse!" The Madhatter drank his Manhattan. This was Alice in Wonderland Murders where

Alice had to take on a series of crime investigations, most of which were perpetrated by the Queen of Heart's hired assassins. The Caterpillar OD'd on pot and died. John Holmes

showed everyone how he could make his penis crawl like a catapillar but he became most upset when it shrivelled up and turned into a butterfly. Alice told the investigators she cou

ld not imagine how a penis could turn into a butterfly & her nose was basically clean on this one as she hadn't been near the guy with the mushroom since the Queen of Hearts had bu

sted out of jail while my run-on-sentence kept going because I had gotten too drunk with my ex-wife's roommate who was secretly a CIA spy in Australia who ate Fritos and decided no

good deed goes unpunished and ended up reporting me to both the CIA and my ex-wife, not so much about eating her Fritos but sleeping with her; my ex-wife flew to Australia and

no doubt enjoyed the fact that she had the last laugh after all. Meanwhile, I remained stateside, facing interrogation by the CIA. "Where were you on Jan. 24th, 2007?" they asked.

But I'd just repeat their questions back to them in my most annoying nya nya voice. Sure they beat me and didn't let me sleep. But I've found the joy that was missing from my life.