Note to Self: Congratulations! you made it

Note to Self: Congratulations! you made it to the refrigerator door! I would recommend the V-8 and some strong coffee, good for hangover. About last night, here's what happened...

The woman in your bed, you did notice her?, is not a woman. When I was still coherent she confessed, she's transvestite from the planet Whorgon. Don't be alarmed. The mating ritua

l for Whorgonians is to urinate throughout the house marking their territory. Whorgonians then crawl about on their hands and knees and bark to attract attention. My wife agreed to

support my desire for our home to become a Whorgonian rescue shelter (God love her) and within weeks,the neighbors called the cops on us at least a dozen times.It was fun! Whorigon

finally met Pimpagon. Pimpagon was a transplayer from another world. He bitch-slapped Whorigon.

"Put that disgusting magazine down." My mother's voice interrupted my teenage angst I had been caught! Had dad still been alive, I'm sure he would have defended my adolescent

fantasies of world domination, but NOOOOOOO, he had to be all dead and stuff! That selfish bastard, leaving me alone with my mom and stuff. Who does he think he is, anyway?

anes?? THEY'RE GOING TO KILL US!" She fell off the bed in hysterical laughter and mother quickly retrieved her husband. "Honey, we need to call Janice. Now." He picked up the phone

"Domino's Pizza, how can we take your order?" "Damn it!" he screamed, slamming the phone down. She had given him a fake number and skipped town with his only toupee.